Four months later, and what’s the one aspect of the Royal Wedding that people are still talking about? Not the dress, not the church, not Princess Beatrice’s god-awful headwear. No, the only thing that people are still talking about is Pippa Middleton’s ass in its resplendent, McQueen-draped glory.
She did the unthinkable—she stole the show at the Wedding of the Century by doing nothing more than bending over a few times. And that blatant thievery didn’t stop in England. In advance of Kim Kardashian’s wedding, the world waited with baited breath to see who would copy Ms. Middleton’s signature move, hereafter referred to as “pulling a Pippa.” By our count, there were at least three contenders.
Yes, the dress code required guests to wear black and white, but Lindsay seemed bent on making sure media outlets would run side-by-side photos of her and Pippa during the constant and erroneous comparison of the two “royal” weddings. Not only was her dress flimsy and revealing to the point of being inappropriate, but she wore the very same gown that Pippa herself wore to her sister’s wedding reception, except Pippa’s was in green and Lindsay’s was in white. While we should be discussing Kim’s elegant hairstyle, all we can think about are Lindsay’s ample sun-damaged assets and how she’ll never be America’s Pippa Middleton. Never!
The bride’s twenty-month-old nephew Mason acted as ring bearer for the ceremony. Instead of doing what most toddler attendants do (pitch a fit and hide behind a pillar), Mason adorably saved the day but in the process upstaged the bride. Mom Kourtney stumbled while carrying him down the aisle, but cute, cunning baby Mason pulled a Pippa by grabbing the ring pillow and running down the aisle to deliver it. All together now: Awwwwww. It was undeniably cute, but don’t forget that this little guy has a double dose of attention-whoring in his DNA. No doubt his plot to pull a Pippa started over Cheerios and milk in his high chair weeks earlier.
What’s that, you say? Pippa wasn’t even there? Well, judging by the fact that we’re all talking about her again, she might as well have been there wearing a sequin bikini and doing tequila shots at the bar with LiLo. The media seems to have taken the Kardashian wedding as just another excuse to show more pictures of Pippa and her blue-ribbon behind.
How to Make Sure No One Pulls a Pippa at Your Wedding:
The specter of Pippa has become every bride’s nightmare. To ensure that no one upstages you on your big day heed the following:
- Don’t invite children. Kids provide too many opportunities for moments of adorableness, from looking adorable while doing cute things to looking adorable while throwing temper tantrums. The more time your guests spend “awwwing” over the children, the less time they’ll have to “oooh” over your dress.
- Don’t let guests wear white. This should go without saying, but if you need to put it on the invitation, go for it. When in doubt, hire bouncers and arm them with fabric dye.
- Don’t invite Lindsay Lohan. This is just common sense. Only a Kardashian could afford the insurance necessary to have her on the premises anyway.
Photo source: taylors best fan  (cc)