Whenever you call anybody out of a need or just without any reason, the first thing after you say “Hello” or “Hi” is “Am I disturbing you?” or “Sorry, if I am disturbing you” isn’t it? If no, that’s a good thing, but if you do so, I think you need to think your words twice before you speak.
Of course, if somebody is at work and you surely know he/she must be at work, you should ask “Is it the right time to talk to you?” and that’s perfectly alright. Other than this, if you are calling a person who is in office and you know lunch hour is going on, you should not feel hesitant of talking to that person in any way or be sorry about disturbing them.
When I was a kid, my school friend used to call me every day after school hours, sometimes to ask about the homework our teacher had given to us and sometimes just to ask what am I doing at that time. However, the first words she used after saying “Hi, Leena” were “I hope, I am not disturbing you?” And I used to say “Oh no, of course not.” After this, we used to resume to our normal chit chat. She was a nice girl and had good relations with people she used to interact. She was a very social person and everybody used to like her a lot.
With me, case was little different. Certainly, I had friends too, who I knew like me as a friend, but just as a friend and not a close friend or best friend as many of the kids have in school. Apparently, I used to think why so man children like her and not me, why everybody initiates the interaction with her on their own with her and not with me. At this point of time, anybody would think that I would have got jealous with her. But that was not the case. Even I liked her and wanted to be like her.
Steadily, I noticed that when I used to call somebody, I used to ask the person “Am I disturbing you?” or “Should I talk to you at this point of time, I hope you are not involved in any kind of work?” And this did not happen for only once, it was happening almost every time I called somebody. Even when I visited somebody, I got used to ask the same question to them.
Gradually, I saw my confidence going down and I started thinking myself as not important person for anybody. Now I am a grown up girl and one day I asked myself a question, why do I think that I am disturbing everybody all the time. Once or while when the person is at work, it is just fine to ask them that is it the appropriate time to talk to them, but asking this all the time can annoy the person, which shows in their tone. This happened with me too. This was the reason why my confidence is dropping.
People undergoing this change must have surely understood what I am talking about. If this is the case with you too, you need to consider yourself important too. Believing that others are important and you are somewhere lesser than them can lower your confidence and you automatically come to phrases like sorry and “I did not mean to disturb you”.
Etiquette is good but when used appropriately. Kindness is liked by everyone but this does not mean that you should lower yourself on any of the grounds.
If you think that saying “I hope I am not disturbing you?” is known one of the good manners, you might be right to some extent and that too only if it is limited to few times and not always. Starting your conversation all the time with a negative note all the times shows negative trait that you are not confident enough and reflects your thinking about yourself. It shows that you think you are wasting other person’s time and you are not worth of giving time. Is that what you want other people to think about you? No, isn’t it?
How can you leave the wrong habit behind?
If you really don’t want to start the conversation with negative sentence, think before you speak and do not make phrases described above your usual habit. If, in case, the second person tells you that he is in between of something and cannot talk to you right now, apologize only once, then ask the appropriate time to call or say at what time you are going to call back or visit him or her back. After this do not feel guilty of actually disturbing someone in middle of work. If you do this, you only look down upon yourself and all possible chances are there that other person must have forgotten the incident once you disconnected the call or left him or her.
Leaving this habit is easy if you are determined to consider yourself important too. Other thing you can do is to think before speaking, take a pause, think are you really disturbing the person or are you making the other person happy by calling or visiting the person. Always start your conversation with a positive sentence and with a great enthusiasm in your voice. It will boost your confidence and you never know you might be making the person’s day you are talking to.