There are times in a person’s life when they would just like to become Superman, fly around the earth counterclockwise, therefore reversing time and erasing the precise moment they popped their first piece of sushi in their mouth. Am I right?
It was a wonderfully warm afternoon for a Bridal Shower. My sister-in-laws backyard had been transformed into a poofy, flowery, balloon filled extravaganza. Tents were set up for those who sought the shade and in case of rain. The present table went on for miles, there were small children frolicking and giving hugs to the relatives they hadn’t seen since they were babies. The blue haired old ladies sat clumped together reminiscing about when Cindy was a baby and now look at her, getting married.
There was a moment at my niece’s bridal shower that I was sitting unsupervised. I had a plate of finger food on my lap and an alcoholic beverage in my hand, which wasn’t my first. I have to say I was working on a pretty good buzz. When there is a table a mile long filled with beautifully wrapped toasters, Pyrex cookware and wooden spoons, I always find it easier to oooh and ahhhh with alcohol. I planned on finding a seat near the beloved punch bowl. This was an in-law event so I didn’t have my mother there to look over her glasses at me. Getting ready to delve into my goodies, my niece came by with a serving plate,
“Aunt Sue, did you try my sushi?”
I looked at her dumb struck and with kind of a grimace.
“My friend and I made it, it’s really good.”
“Uhhh . . . I don’t want to, I don’t think I like it.”
“You’ve never had sushi? You have to try it.”
“Don’t think of it as raw fish, think of it as sushi.”
Perhaps she had seen me at the punch bowl a few times, because I think she was talking down to me. And she took it upon herself to place a barnacle from the sea on my plate.
Seeing it there amongst all the delicacies that I had taken the time to sift through on the massive buffet table dropped my buzz level down a notch. I studied it for three minutes, oblivious to the hustle and bustle going on in the backyard.
I scrunch up my nose and pursed my lips. I had a foreign object on my plate and was expected to eat it. Under my breath I said a mild curse word and took another gulp of alcohol laced punch. I contemplated the cylindrical, uncooked, bite sized entity on my paper plate. It was wrapped in something green, what looked like rice was inside and inside that, the dreaded raw fish. And that’s what it smelled like too, something dead. I brought my head back up and looked for the dog. Where is that big black lab when you need him? I saw no way out and decided to uterus up. I was going to have to eat it.
I stabbed it with my plastic fork and brought it up to eye level, gave it a contemptuous look and stuffed it in my mouth. I could feel dead fish fumes coming out of my flared nostrils. My taste buds screamed in protest. And if I remember correctly, my eyes started to water. It was clear to me I had to spit it back out of my mouth and quick.
“Would you like to give the future bride any words of advice?” This came from a young woman behind a camera. Oh, I’m being filmed right at this very moment. Holy Mother of God. I held up my finger and started to chew. Bless her heart, she waited and the little red light on the camera continued to flash. I’m sure it seemed like forever for me to finish that horrid hors d'oeuvre. I shook my head and let out a sound similar to, “Blah.”
Held my finger up once again and finished my drink. Conveying a message, I’m sure, to my niece, “Slam them down whenever you get the chance honey.”
But instead what I did say was, “Sorry, I just ate an awful piece of sushi, what was the question?”
The young woman slowly brought the camera down. I noticed she was Asian, huh. Imagine that. She looked dejected.
“Cindy and I made that sushi this morning.”
Needless to say the in-laws keep me under closer supervision now.