I have photos. I have books. I have movies. I have music. I have emails. I have memories, so many memories. He has all of these things too; so many reminders. Do they mean anything at all to him? Does he know how he has changed me? Does he know that I would still do anything for him? That is truly amazing, and sad. For me I mean, because he really doesn't care.
I am still holding my breath. I am still waiting for him. But he's not coming. He has made his choice, and it’s not me. When you care too much, you get crazy. I cared too much. And he just wanted a buddy. He wanted my adoration. He had it. But my adoration is not blind. It is reciprocal. And he could not care less.
I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. But there is no other shoe. I dropped both of them already. This is ridiculous. He is not coming back. I don't know how to make myself really believe that. Time. I know the answer to be time. I will wait.