It's been a while since I've written anything for Divine Caroline. Going through the endless maze of a heartbreaking break-up, the realization that I just could not live in Florida anymore after a lifetime of living there and I needed a positive change and then finally getting up the courage last December just two weeks before Christmas, I am able to finally say that although life is a journey not a destination, I have begun the journey. With two take along packs, two boxes of sentimental things I left with a good friend back in Florida, I am traveling. Yes, there have been challenges and they continue, but I have not regretted leaving for one iota of a second and would do it all over again.
I began the journey in an old western town in Colorado for a month – the southwest part due to upcoming cold winter weather, then traveled to a guest ranch in rural Washington state to work there for a month and some days. Now am in Seattle visiting with friends and then will leave next week for a Hindu ashram in Utah. Afterwards, will be picked up in Moab, Utah by a friend and then explore that region where he will give me a tour of the area, then trek with him down to Santa Fe, New Mexico where he currently lives and works.
I have to say that I am the person who used to read all those "self-help" books that authors who had broken with their past, jumped out of their comfort zones and just said "Do it" and would read all the mish mash about breaking free and the cynical part of me would say out loud, that is bull I can't do that. I have to work, I have to pay rent, I have a car to take care of…and on and on would I go with the excuses. I'm now living not close to the edge of the cliff, I dove off that same cliff back in December and even though I have been free-falling ever since, nothing horrible has happened as I have imagined. You just never know what good will happen by making a big change in your life. I am proof.
The only difference between me now in my forties and if I'd done this back in my twenties is I am now much more in touch with the realities of life. I didn't go into this thinking if I leave, life will magically fall into place and I'll be at peace. It just doesn't work that way. I knew there would be challenges, but have to say that in leaving I have met some wonderful people and made new friends along the way that if I had remained in Florida, I would have never met.
The only difference for me now also is that I am on my own with no close family members left. I was closest to my mother and never could have or would have left her. But then, out of my own fears and insecurities I chose to remain in Florida an additional twelve years !!! The depressions I went through, the job challenges, relationship challenges all just became too much to bear. I tried many times over the years to talk myself into "blooming where I grew" but the blooming soon turned to "root rot" and I had to make a decision and make it fast before anymore time passed. I did and am here to say to you, if you have something that you want to do, somewhere that you want to go, DO IT. If you don't do it right away, don't beat yourself up. We all do things in our own time. I'm just saying consider some positive change or changes because none of us know how much time we have left of this life. It was important for me to have something to look back on in my life that would make me smile. So I did it and I'm here to say that if I can do it, YOU can as well. Be happy and do your best to find at least one thing to laugh or smile about every day even before you take that huge leap of faith. It'll make the leap less treacherous once you take it.