Since I think about off the wall stuff from time to time (ok, so I do it all the time), I thought I’d put my musings on paper. Unless you know me pretty well, you as a reader probably won’t understand a lot of what I will be writing about but try to stick with it. It may click or you may click off. I get it. Not everyone wants to know my inner child or read my ramblings. But I decided that rather than lie awake tonight with a load of things going through my head, I’d write it all down before I turned off the light. What a novel idea! Wish I had thought of it before. And since I’m writing it all down, I may as well post it, right? Anyway, here goes nothing.
Since my move to the “big city”, I always notice different things that I never noticed back in the home land. Drugs stores are a question to me. Did you ever notice that if you see a Walgreens, you don’t have to look far to see a CVS? It’s always within a block but most likely it will be right across the street. Do they have a competition going? Are they related and want to live close to each other? And do they have spies that go across the street to check prices to see if Colgate toothpaste is cheaper? Just one last drug store thing…what the hell do the letters CVS stand for anyway? OK, so I said you might not get it but I wonder about these things for some reason. It gets better after this, I promise.
I read an article about how things are changing grammatically in the typing world. It is no longer necessary to put two spaces after a period at the end of a sentence. Only one space is required from here on. OMG, who thinks up these things? Was someone in the grammatical world bored one day and just thought “I think I’ll mess with all the writers/bloggers in the world and change a rule that has been in place since the invention of the typewriter (for those of you who don’t know what a typewriter is, it came before computers).” Or was it necessary for planetary alignment that the extra space just HAD TO GO? Astrologically speaking, I just don’t get it. And how does one go about not putting in the extra space after doing it for twenty-five years? My fingers just automatically put it in and when I forget to put it in, I automatically go back and fix it. Whatever will they think of next? And who has this much time on their hands to change the rule that didn’t need to be changed in the first place?
I recently re-entered the dating world after 20+ years so I need some help from singles out there with this one. Is it against proper dating etiquette to text, tweet or answer your cell phone while out having dinner with someone who is boring the crap out of you and talks with their mouth full? I mean, he’s a nice guy and all but there are some things that really gross me out. One of those things is talking with food in your mouth. I mean, you never know when something is going to fly out of their mouth and nail you right in the face. Plus it goes against everything my momma ever taught me about table manners. He also eats with his elbows on the table and points with his fork but I’ll let those things slide. Since he’s paying for dinner, I thought I’d be kind. But I just had to tell a friend (or two) about it or I’ll just explode and tell him to shut his freakin’ mouth because I didn’t want to wear his dinner. So I’m texting, tweeting and answering my cell phone. I’m also back to the same problem I had when I was younger. This guy bored me to tears and grossed me out but I still say at the end of the evening “sure, I’d love to do it again.” I’m a sap.
Why is it so damn hard to stop playing a computer game until you win? I don’t play many, mostly because I don’t have the patience to sit mindlessly staring at the screen while unsuccessfully trying to maneuver my mouse somewhere it apparently doesn’t want to go. But I still sit there playing, occasionally flipping back to my word document that definitely isn’t writing itself, and I can’t shut it off until I win. I’m honestly thinking it’s the screen that comes up after I lose. You know the one I’m talking about. The one that says “sorry but you lost the game”. It’s actually very polite but you know what it would tell you if it could…you are a LOSER!!! You LOST the game and you SUCK at it! It just galls me that a computer would tell me that if it could. I know it would. Which prompts me to hit the play again button and I get sucked in even deeper. Bloody hell.
And what is the proper length for a blog? I know I ramble on mindlessly until I run out of words to say (that’s a lie because I never do…run out of words, that is) or my eyes cross but no one has ever been able to tell me when to stop. I used to watch the word count at the bottom of the screen but that was a lot of pressure. I would either have what I considered too many words to say what I was saying or not quite enough for what I considered plausible prose. So I’m stuck with winging it and I’m really not a “wing it” kind of girl. I like to think about things because if I don’t, I get into a heap of trouble in the end. Never dive into the pool without first testing the water. Never take a bite without smelling what I’m going to eat (was never allowed to do that at momma’s house, going back to the table manners thing). So I’m floundering a bit and I’ve decided that if I haven’t said it all within a thousand words, it can’t be said. I mean, it’s not a novel I’m writing here, it’s a simple blog, right? Until I hear differently, that’s what I’m going with. Please tell me if I’m wrong.
Well, since I’m near the end of my self-imposed word limit, I guess I should quit while I’m ahead. I did warn you that you may not understand where my thinking comes from. Actually this was more than getting things out of my head, which really doesn’t matter since more stuff comes in to replace it almost immediately anyway. It was an exercise in the new grammatical rule of only putting one space after a period. I came really close to getting it. Seriously, I think it’s time I got some sleep. Because I know as soon as I post this, two young girls are going to be discussing me, asking each other “Has Momma finally lost her marbles?”