A woman had a little boy, and all they did was fight.
She decided with her next one that she would do it right.
She went to see her doctor to ask for his advice.
How could they create the perfect child? Just the sugar and the spice.
He teased, “I’ll see what I can do,” and pretended to mark her chart.
He said she would have the perfect child, a beautiful work of art.
So, with each visit month by month, this mother put in her order.
She didn’t want a son this time. No, she would like a daughter.
With eyes of blue and hair of gold, who would never fuss or cry,
who would instantly fall fast asleep after hearing one lullaby.
“She has to be asleep all night and pleasant while awake,
and be willing to take a nap when I need to take a break.”
And so she had her baby, a healthy baby boy.
She took him home to love him, this little bundle of joy.
But the woman grew disappointed, and all day long she cried.
The poor baby couldn’t please her, no matter how hard he tried.
How was he supposed to let her know when he was hungry, sick, or wet?
Every time he cried for her, she got more and more upset.
And so she called her doctor, and he said to come right in.
She cried, “I don’t know what went wrong. Oh, where do I begin.”
“It didn’t work,” the woman said. “He was awake all night;
he spit up every time he ate and even tried to bite.”
“I have just the thing,” he told her. “It’s out here in the hall.”
He took away her baby, and he handed her a doll.