Today, May 18th, is National Day Against Child and Teen Sexual Abuse and Exploitation in Brazil, where I live.
So, I spent most of the day considering sharing or not my experiences on the matter.
After so much time, almost fifteen years after the first time, I think I can safely talk about it.
It happened twice.
The first time, I was about fifteen years old, and as innocent as a girl can be. Regarding sex, I was basically a child in mind.
I was at my mother's home town, a very small one, where people knew everyone by name. My grandmother was ill, and everyone was taking turns in caring for her. Not because we had to, but we were all willing to, and doing it lovingly.
This night, I was going home after checking on her and knowing she was being cared for.
The guy from next door – about ten years my senior – showed up. We sat on a table at the balcony, talking.
I asked if he wanted to see my cousin's paintings, inside.
When he said yes, I lead him inside.
Before we could reach the place where they were, he pushed me in the bathroom. I knew what he wanted.
So, out of instinct, I fought. Like a tiger. Literally. I bit, scratched, stomp on his foot.
He then hit me. Hard. I felt like there was an explosion inside my head.
He wasn't a big man, but still, a man, and I was just a 5 ft tall girl (I'm still short). It hurt.
While I recovered, he was doing something. His hands were trying to open my jeans.
And I fought yet again. This time, I pushed him away – don't know where that strenght came from – and ran.
I'm lucky they had dogs, I let them out and ran like the Devil was chasing me.
The next day, or this night, my grandma passed away, peacefully, with all her children around her.
When I went to the funeral, he was there. It was the worst day of my life.
I wanted to cry "rapist" on him, but he didn't rape me.
I never told anyone about it.
And I feel like I was dumb. I should have told mom, dad, the priest, my cousins, anyone and everyone.
To be continued on another article, about the other experience.