Still broken. There's a familiar theme. What is happy anyway? What does it even mean? What does it feel like? How do I get there? What do I want? I want to care about something again. I want something to matter to me the way that you mattered to me. I want to be wrapped up in that feeling of losing myself. Not in a bad way, but in that amazing way that transforms you into a better person simply because you care so much. I want to be in love. No. I am in love. I am so in love with you. So what do I want? I want you to be in love. But you are not in love, not with me anyway. So what do I want? I want not to be in love with you anymore. It hurts too much. All these weeks later and it still hurts too much. It makes me wonder if it will ever feel any better than it does right now. Everyone says that it will, but I’m not so sure. Because while it is unimaginable that you are the only person in this great big world who I could love in this way, that is how I feel. You are not the only man I have ever loved, you are not the only man who has broken my heart, but you are the only man I can't live without. And still, here I am living without you. A world away, an ocean between us, a history of heartbreak, a decade of remembrance, a country of failure, a dedication of my soul, a graceful acknowledgment, and an eternal silence. So again, I ask myself, what do I want? I want to forget. I want to let go. I want to move on. I want to be done. When do I get to be done?