It's 7:22 pm on a Friday night. I am twenty-three years old. Shouldn't I be out at some new mixology bar, or dancing on a table, or at least capping off a happy hour with some colleagues I semi-like?
Instead, I'm in sweatpants. My bra is already off and my contacts are out. I am TIRED and there's a ring forming on my desk from the condensation on my glass of wine. Because, of course, I don't have any coasters. Or maybe they're buried in a drawer somewhere, beneath receipts I swore I would put into my checkbook and pens that have run out of ink long ago.
The thing is, this is where I WANT to be. I want to be in sweatpants! The glitz, the glamour, it's fun – but it's tiring. It's nice to just relax…. wait, wait, WAIT. Am I getting old? Why don't I want to have funnnnnnnnn (shotttttttsssss) ???
Hmm, reminds me of the Jersey Shore premier I watched last night (with my mom, I swear I'm cool,) in which Snooki is pregnant and complains that she feels like an "old lady" because she can't go out to the club and get blacked out. Half the people on this show are over 30 and still partying harder than I did at college frat parties.
Doesn't not remembering get old? Don't hangovers ever teach us a lesson? Isn't there some beauty to holding our liquor or, God forbid, spending a quiet night in by ourselves? When did we get so busy running away from ourselves that we have to fill every minute with texts, notifications, and emails? Drinks, smoking, and whatever else. I know it wears me out.
I know twenty-three is young, logically. But it's all relative, right? When I was six, I thought twelve-year-olds were like full-blown adults. I remember writing a list of ten things my sixth-grade neighbor should do to "act like an adult," including, but not limited to:
1. Wear sparkly red dresses.
2. Wear lipstick.
3. Wear heels.
4. Leave your hair down.
5. Bat your eyelashes (not kidding)
I'm 23 and I've done all these things at some point… I think even the red dress… and surprisingly, I'm not an adult yet. Or at least I don't feel like one. What. The. Eff.
There are people my age having children, and I can't even figure out how to dress myself for the weather. There are people my age who have invented billion-dollar companies (ahem, Zuckerberg) and I'm working two part-time jobs that did not require me to have my Bachelors. I feel like I'm so behind, but then I look around and realize that this is completely normal. That this is our generation and that looking to others for comparison is like looking into a deep, black hole and hoping to get answers.
We're the only people who know what our futures hold, or even our present. If only we would all put down our phones, turn off the laptops, and give ourselves some answers other than, "Maybe, I don't know, what do you think?"