The Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters Ever
Just to Clarify [1]
As if it wasn’t obvious enough, the designers of this tinsel-covered monstrosity thought it necessary to spell out in felt lettering “Ugly Christmas Sweater”—just to ensure that nobody mistook this sickly-green party sweater for serious holiday attire. (Etsy.com [2])
Bad Santa [3]
At first glance, it’s easy to mistake this sweater for cute, socially acceptable holiday garb—that is until you notice Santa either threw back one too many hot toddies, or has a drug problem. (Rustyzipper.com [4])
Kiss This [5]
Thank goodness for “clever” sweaters like this one because they help us normal folks know who to steer clear of at a party or bus stop. Approach anyone wearing this and you’ll likely get a kick under the mistletoe instead. (Amazon.com [6])
Is It Christmas or an Acid Flashback? [7]
What does Jerry Garcia have to do with the holidays? Not a whole lot, other than the fact that his name rhymes with “merry” and he sort of looks like Santa Claus. He also struggled with a very serious drug addiction, but if that’s the kind of holiday you’re looking for, Jerry Christmas to you and yours. (Amazon.com [8])
Hey, You’ve Got Something Stuck on Your Sweater [9]
This sweater has got it all: reindeer ornaments, mistletoe leaves, holiday-themed coasters, even a Santa head adhered to the right breast pocket. Due to the random collection of the holiday appliqués and their haphazard placement, it appears that whoever wore this sweater became a victim of static cling while walking through their grandma’s outdated, overly decorated abode. (Etsy.com [10])
Extreme in its Subtlety [11]
Watch out for the crazy character donning this sweater! The light gray color just screams “life of the Christmas party”—though in an understated way. (Amazon.com [12])
Needs a Little Somethin’ Extra [13]
Whereas the last sweater was drabber than drab, this one has so much tackiness going on, it’s hard to know where to focus your eyes. Should you zoom in on the decorative cotton puffs at the neckline, on the ’70s-style flower print that’s vaguely seasonal, or on the giant stocking inexplicably sewn onto the front like some kind of reindeer Bjorn? (Retroandbeyondvintage.com [14])
The Mate Repeller [15]
If you’re looking to repulse everyone in your immediate vicinity, sport this creamy oatmeal-colored, woven disaster. It looks like Christmas threw up on your sweater and you were too drunk to notice or care. The goal is to don the most atrocious garb, but where does one draw the line? Where!? (Etsy.com [16])
Ugly Christmas sweaters [17]
With this ornament-covered sweater, you’re a living, walking Christmas tree, delivering messages of ghost-shaped doves and poorly written greetings everywhere you go. But while the ornaments suggest whimsy, the sharp stars and shoulder pads show that you mean serious business—serious Christmas business. ("Rustyzipper.com":http://bit.ly/svYfz7)
Party Companion Included [18]
Nothing says “let’s party!” like an Aladin-esque vest with a snowman sprouting from the shoulder. Plus, if you ever get alienated at the party because people are jealous of how cool your sweater is, you’ll always have your trusty snowman friend to talk to—granted he’s only well-versed in activities such as melting and things such as carrots, but hey, it’s better than talking to yourself, right? (Rustyzipper.com [19])
It’s All Here [20]
A good Christmas sweater represents every aspect of the holiday, even if it means moving images onto the not-so-coveted sleeve territory. (Poor Santa.) (Rustyzipper.com [21])
Bear Has a Boo-Boo [22]
This poor guy has a nasty yellow tumor growing out of his neck, but has that killed his Christmas spirit? Not a chance! The small white circles on his cheeks mean that he’s extra excited, not that he’s inching that much closer to death. (Rustyzipper.com [23])
Rest in Presents [24]
Because its colors aren’t nearly garish enough, this sweater is battery-operated, which means the sad string of lights surrounding what looks like Santa’s coffin will draw even more attention to the disturbing scene. At least he’ll have that pile of presents to keep him company in the afterlife. (Etsy.com [25])
Angel Bears to the Rescue [26]
This supposedly unisex sweater (I’d like to see any guy wear this of his own free will) combines all of the season’s magic—bells, helpful angel bears, and a tree severely lacking in ornaments—into one special sweater. (Rustyzipper.com [23])