Many of us were raised as children with the golden rule: “do unto others what you would have them do unto to you” Matthew 7:12. As I grew up and developed a stronger sense of empathy I began to realize that in order for the people around you to feel valued and heard, you need to turn the tables. Hence we must “do unto to others as they would have done unto themselves.” I have tried to learn to live by this throughout my adulthood, most importantly as a wife and parent.

When I read “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.” Gary Chapman brought this whole ideology into focus for me. The book is easy to read and includes questionnaires and worksheets to help you learn how to apply the love languages in your own life. He does this in a mere 203 pages.

The Languages

The concept of “Love Languages” is clever. Gary has created five categories for these:

-  Quality Time
-  Words of Affirmation
-  Gifts
-  Acts of Service
-  Physical Touch

The basic idea is that we all feel love through different ways in which our mates express it. Most of us feel love as adults in the same way that it was shown to us as children. For instance, as a child I was given gobs of praise and hugs (I am the baby of four children). Therefore my main love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. That is to say I hear and feel “I love you” loud and clear through these actions.

When my husband (or anyone for that matter) tells me how much he loves me, praises me or hugs me, I feel very loved.

Here is where it starts to get interesting. My husband has a different main love language. His is “acts of service”. He is hugely appreciative and loves it when I make him a coffee, good meal or get out and work with him on a project around the house.