From the moment I picked up this book, I had my doubts. The cover is white and pink and there’s a hot pink stamp that boasts “As Seen on the New Lifetime Reality Series.” Lifetime? Reality Series? Not good signs, but I withheld my judgment because I wanted to know for my past heartbreaks and for all those who are still wondering: why hasn’t he called?

The answer according to Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal: because the real YOU sucks.

This book is The Rules on crack. Remember The Rules? That lovely antiquated handbook on what to do and what not to do to make Mr. Right yours forever? I remember picking up my mother’s copy of that book when I was ten and wondering how I would ever have get my first kiss if I always immediately accepted Davy Kellerman’s invitation to play at his fort.

According to the writers of WHHC, a self-proclaimed ex-“ultimate player” (ex, my ass), and a female journalist who seems like half man-eater, half Christiane Amanpour-wannabe, the best way to get a man is to play game after game and masquerade as something you are not.

The book has ten chapters, each more nauseating than the last. The authors spend a portion of the book dissecting dates from both male and female perspectives and showing what you, the female, have done wrong. There are also chapters on how to dress, how to groom yourself, the best way to decorate your house for a potential visit, what foods to keep stocked in your refrigerator in case a man comes to visit (“beer, cheese, mixed nuts, bagels—for the morning after, etc.”), and what conversation topics are off-limits for first, second, third, fourth, fifth dates.

Not only is this book demeaning and demoralizing to women, it is insulting to men, painting them as simple, sex-crazed, fragile-egoed creatures. While every man (and woman) may have aspects of these qualities in his personality, I’m friends with enough guys to know that they are just as complex as women when it comes to relationships. Sure, all the tips in this book may get the man interested, but what happens after? Is it possible to conceal your true personality forever? And why would you even want to? What happens when the real you starts to leak out?

Everything in this book is geared towards how a woman can get a man interested by essentially duping him through a series of planned, conniving, and contrived moves and behaviors. The authors of this book tell women to discard their personality (at least until you have your teeth sunk into him) and advise them to enrobe themselves in a cloak of falsities and stereotypes—“Be a Bond Girl.” Newsflash: Bond Girls were always supporting characters, with little more than big tits and smooth moves—two-dimensional at best.

If that’s what it takes to get him to call, unplug your phone, throw it out the window, and never look back. No man is worth losing yourself.