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Being Me

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Okay. So here I am. 16 years old, in high school, feeling so awkward (as teenagers often do). I have been told that I am not fat. But I feel fat.

I am 5 feet 7 inches tall and weigh 135 lbs. I know that sounds just about right but I don’t look like it. There is a history of being overweight in my family. My Mom, my grandfather, and many others. But on my dad’s side, there is a history of being underweight. My dad actually has to take weight gaining supplements.

So I am right in the middle, but I have a fear of being pulled towards my mom’s weight problems, because I am a female … so I feel like I need to do something about it. I desperately want to be like the girls at my high school. Thin and Gorgeous. Tall with beautiful hair. The perfect face. It isn’t fair that I have to be the way I am. I want to look like them.

So I am borderline anorexic. I find myself wondering if food is really worth being the fat girl at my school. People always tell me that looks aren’t everything, but they are when you are in high school. If you are fat and ugly, you won’t ever get a boyfriend. You won’t ever have friends, period. No one wants to be seated with the fat girl.

I want to be beautiful. And I don’t know what to do. I haven’t eaten in 3 days and I am starting to lose weight. I dunno if I should just eat before it gets out of control. Or just let myself become like the skeletal beauties at school. School starts in 2 days. I want to be PERFECT.


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