With a year ending, out come astrologers and their business of gazing into your life. I am no astrologer but I am insanely potent in the art of intuition to an extent that will surprise you as much as it surprises me. What holds beyond this point in time, I know and will tell you. I will not help you look at things as positively as you are unwilling to see it, and because you don’t believe in you, I won’t be sitting around to gush into you the fluids of optimism. You yourself call upon the wrath that befalls. Hence, without minding my language, and the intensity of your negatives and the way they want to spurt out of your system and be a happening in your life, I will lay out the palette of negative colors for you for the year 2009. One sad year it is going to be for all those who believe that sadness has no end and hope is just a wreck of time and belief.
Aries (March 20–April 18)
For long you have attempted to make changes in you and around you, but nothing seems to have happened or worked. Now those efforts will work, definitely to make you more miserable. With a few bonuses from your inkling for a disaster, everything will just be as horrendous and you had thought. The first Monday of the year needs you to chant the mantra of, “I am dim-witted and daft,” after which you will find people around you finally agreeing to you after years of waiting. A brilliant and unexpected alliance between Jupiter and the very practical Saturn means your partner will turn gay. All the best. You ruined it.
Taurus (April 19–May 19)
Between your anxieties, there is a development of an unsettling and unnerving development. Your squabbles with others, particularly your partner will justly aggravate because Saturn is not compromising on your pragmatism anymore. You wish that things could go back and be the same, but it is too late for that, forget the plans for planning and start looking for a hideout, because you are in for trouble very soon. With things going into a full force negative field, you need to fasten your seat belts and just keep believing the worse is about to happen and this is not it YET.
Gemini (May 20–June 19)
Nobody enjoys talking to you. Nobody ever will. Yes, you are thinking right. You don’t have the potential of being as thrilling as your partner wants you to be. You are a turn off in bed and you just make partnership de–flame. You want and wish that you’d be as thrilling as Johnny Depp, but think again, what do you have besides plain wishes to be him? Your ideas are all over the place; you need to cut the clutter out and organize yourself. Your anxiety and agitation is due to the Full Moon due on Thursday of every month. The moon is to be blamed for your heightened negatives, yell at it and maybe it will never be full again. Knowing all that, now play it cool.
Cancer (June 20–July 21)
The drama and the film rolling in your life will influence Pluto to become a planet again. It will all together change the power in your setting and to others’ you will seem more repulsive and nauseating. But still you can promise to kill that stink of you and be apt to the situation around you all the time. After all, a skunk has a life of its own. Things will develop between you and your partner, but it is not romance so do not worry, you don’t have to touch upon a prohibited terrain. The sun will shine upon you but you turning your back on it will always make you see that shadow, which you should see and think, you life is in a similar shadow and you have a reason to sit and mourn the state you have been born into. Disgrace it is, but deal with it.
Leo (July 22–August 21)
Initially your grumbles about yourself were heard and paid heed to. Now it is really something no one cares to listen to. Scream, shout, roar. Be as disruptive as you can be, it will just make things better for you to dwell in your isolation. Cave in yourself within the conformity of your existence. However, opportunity to make love to your partner may seem like your thing and you will get into it fondly, but beware, one slip and your impression will be equal to the dog and the bitch on the street. Your partner will question you and the session will reach a climax, but no ejaculation will help you take control of anything. Tuesday’s emotionally intense scenario may lead to a lot of mishaps. Try to sleep in on Tuesdays. Full moon will bring the wolf of you out of you. Acknowledge your unhappiness and let others be happy please.
Virgo (August 22–September 21)
Being the hard worker you are will only make you a hard working person, nothing more, nothing less. Offers which seem exciting are just a different view from within the same shell. Amazing opportunities trigger your passion to prove your worth, but be the gullible you and let your partner dictate your course. You are a no good sheep which needs a sheep dog all the time. Submit and surrender is the way to let this year pass. Mondays and its alliance with Jupiter and Saturn together do not meet Pluto which is not good in your court. No decisions for this year. No relationships unless it is a sheep dog. Keep your hands tied because you may do something so stupid that only you will be ashamed of yourself and no one will be around to lift your spirits. Live and let live.
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