Nine Stars Going Through a Quarterlife Crisis
What does Rachel Bilson do, exactly? Her post-"The O.C." filmography is precisely two items long. She became a spokeswoman for Sunglass Hut and e-commerce site StyleMint, “designed” her own line of housewares for Macy’s, and is now starring as a sassy Southern doctor on a TV series that nobody watches. If her resume came across our desks, we’d say that it “lacks focus and suggests she can’t commit to a career path.” Girlfriend is two paychecks away from moving into her childhood bedroom and getting a job folding sweaters at Gap. If you’ve had more than one job in any industry, you’ve got more of a career than she does.
Remember when you were six years old and your mom grounded you and you wrote a letter to the president asking him to pardon you because it was just so unfair? Bynes did that this year, at age twenty-six, when she was arrested for sideswiping a police car while drunk. To make matters worse, she begged President Obama for help via Tweet. Currently, she’s awaiting resolution on not one but three DUI cases. Your life could be worse.
How sad would it be to know that at age twenty-seven, you’d already done everything you set out to do? Michael’s retired now, consigned to a life of shilling for Subway and commentating on the Next Big Olympics Thing. Unless Curiosity discovers water on Mars and Michael goes up there to swim in it, his life is all downhill from here. He makes a compelling case for why it’s bad to have too much, too soon.
At age twenty-three, Montag underwent a very-public ten surgical procedures at once. Whether she did it for work or she did it for publicity, the real underlying reason is obviously that she hates herself so, so, much that she was willing to pay a surgeon to cut the pain out of her thighs (and inject it back into her hooters). You may still have student loans and a crappy car, but you have your self-respect. Be proud.
Chad Michael Murray
Feel like everyone you know from high school and college is married already and on the way to Having It All? Don’t forget that Murray and his co-star Sophia Bush got married at age twenty-four—and then promptly got divorced five months later. Everyone makes terrible relationship decisions during this time. At least yours don’t make the pages of Star.
She may be a mega pop star with millions of dollars who gets to be on the cover of Elle and get her hair done every week, but Rihanna is also the person who got publicly pummeled by her boyfriend but still flirts with him on Twitter and lets him guest vocal on her tracks. WHAT? She’s a little late to understanding what most of us learned as teenagers—that you can’t love the bad out of a slimeball.
By the time she was twenty-five, Drew had already been to rehab, emancipated herself, posted for Playboy, flashed David Letterman on TV, been divorced once, and engaged thrice. No one would have blamed her for going on Skating With Celebrities and starting her own phone psychic hotline. But! Drew turned it around, becoming a producer in her own right and starring in a string of acclaimed comedies. Now she’s married with a baby on the way and life seems pretty peachy.