Nine Stars Going Through a Quarterlife Crisis

Having money and fame are no guarantee that a person actually has it together.   Take these hapless celebs. Sure, they probably get some amazing free VIP swag, but do they have stable career trajectories? Do they have stable relationships? Do they have lives of meaning and fulfillment?   Not necessarily. Next time you’re feeling dejected because you haven’t yet cured cancer or won that Nobel Prize or ended a relationship without acrimony, remember that—well stars—they’re just like us!
Kristen Stewart
Rachel Bilson
Lindsay Lohan
Amanda Bynes
Michael Phelps
Heidi Montag
Chad Michael Murray
Rihanna
Drew Barrymore

Rachel Bilson

What does Rachel Bilson do, exactly? Her post-"The O.C." filmography is precisely two items long. She became a spokeswoman for Sunglass Hut and e-commerce site StyleMint, “designed” her own line of housewares for Macy’s, and is now starring as a sassy Southern doctor on a TV series that nobody watches. If her resume came across our desks, we’d say that it “lacks focus and suggests she can’t commit to a career path.” Girlfriend is two paychecks away from moving into her childhood bedroom and getting a job folding sweaters at Gap. If you’ve had more than one job in any industry, you’ve got more of a career than she does.

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Rachel Bilson

What does Rachel Bilson do, exactly? Her post-"The O.C." filmography is precisely two items long. She became a spokeswoman for Sunglass Hut and e-commerce site StyleMint, “designed” her own line of housewares for Macy’s, and is now starring as a sassy Southern doctor on a TV series that nobody watches. If her resume came across our desks, we’d say that it “lacks focus and suggests she can’t commit to a career path.” Girlfriend is two paychecks away from moving into her childhood bedroom and getting a job folding sweaters at Gap. If you’ve had more than one job in any industry, you’ve got more of a career than she does.

Lindsay Lohan

Obviously.

Amanda Bynes

Remember when you were six years old and your mom grounded you and you wrote a letter to the president asking him to pardon you because it was just so unfair? Bynes did that this year, at age twenty-six, when she was arrested for sideswiping a police car while drunk. To make matters worse, she begged President Obama for help via Tweet. Currently, she’s awaiting resolution on not one but three DUI cases. Your life could be worse.

Michael Phelps

How sad would it be to know that at age twenty-seven, you’d already done everything you set out to do? Michael’s retired now, consigned to a life of shilling for Subway and commentating on the Next Big Olympics Thing. Unless Curiosity discovers water on Mars and Michael goes up there to swim in it, his life is all downhill from here. He makes a compelling case for why it’s bad to have too much, too soon.

Heidi Montag

At age twenty-three, Montag underwent a very-public ten surgical procedures at once. Whether she did it for work or she did it for publicity, the real underlying reason is obviously that she hates herself so, so, much that she was willing to pay a surgeon to cut the pain out of her thighs (and inject it back into her hooters). You may still have student loans and a crappy car, but you have your self-respect. Be proud.

Chad Michael Murray

Feel like everyone you know from high school and college is married already and on the way to Having It All? Don’t forget that Murray and his co-star Sophia Bush got married at age twenty-four—and then promptly got divorced five months later. Everyone makes terrible relationship decisions during this time. At least yours don’t make the pages of Star.

Rihanna

She may be a mega pop star with millions of dollars who gets to be on the cover of Elle and get her hair done every week, but Rihanna is also the person who got publicly pummeled by her boyfriend but still flirts with him on Twitter and lets him guest vocal on her tracks. WHAT? She’s a little late to understanding what most of us learned as teenagers—that you can’t love the bad out of a slimeball.

Drew Barrymore

By the time she was twenty-five, Drew had already been to rehab, emancipated herself, posted for Playboy, flashed David Letterman on TV, been divorced once, and engaged thrice. No one would have blamed her for going on Skating With Celebrities and starting her own phone psychic hotline. But! Drew turned it around, becoming a producer in her own right and starring in a string of acclaimed comedies. Now she’s married with a baby on the way and life seems pretty peachy.

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