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A Rat Caught in a Medical Maze

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As I sit here with my hand in surgical wrappings, I have to (again) wonder what is next. So many diagnoses, so many doctors, so many surgeries. I have become a person that schedules surgeries around my work schedule, whose husband has to ask, “So what is being operated on this time?” Sometimes I really feel like just ditching all the doctors, drugs, tests, and surgeries, and just going through life as is. It seems like every new doctor I go see wants to cut, remove something, or take so much blood that they have to fill me back up with plasma. I have nicknames for all of them, the most recent is the “mad scientist,” who has started me on 50000 IU of vitamin D a week and within five minutes of meeting her, she was making an appointment for a surgeon. (I politely explained the tumor has been there for eight-plus years, what’s the damn hurry now?!) I have been diagnosed with osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, diabetes, anxiety disorder (who wouldn’t be with all these doctor’s competing for surgery time), asthma, high cholesterol, Cushing’s disease, hypothyroidism, weak kidneys, liver problems, IBS, high blood pressure, recurrent eye infections, sinusitis, migraines, ulcers, and who can even remember what else. I always hear after each surgery about there was way too much damage to have to repair for such a young lady (love it when they say that). In fact, truth is, I am only forty-six but I feel like I am eighty. I try to eat healthy (no processed foods) and stay as active as I can. I work full-time and try to have a life. It’s getting to the point that each doctor is now fussing about medications that other doctors have me on, and questioning why I am still working, why haven’t I gone on disability, why hasn’t this been removed, why haven’t these stints been put in? Is it time to just get out of the maze and live life on my terms? What would you do? How does a person cope?


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