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Aging Gracefully. Really?

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I’m a pretty intelligent woman …. over forty let’s say. I have been hearing about this aging gracefully myth for years. Of course I paid no real attention to it … since I was so young … y’all feeling me?  Anyways, I had this “significant” birthday a few months ago and all “heck” broke loose. Blood pressure shooting out my head, eye glasses don’t work, body aching in places, let’s just say in a different way. My skin got dry as the Sierra. I drank so much water I could hear it swishing as I walked. What I thought was the final straw turned out to be just the beginning. Woke up one morning and my eyelashes were GONE!  I looked for them in the bed. I have no idea where they went. I entertained the thought that they were kidnapped. But who would kidnap eight eyelashes … besides there was no ransom note.

Devastated does not begin to describe my mood. So finally I made an appointment to see the doctor. I thought I might be going a bit crazy on account there are some crazy folks in my family tree, but we don’t talk about them. I told my story to my doctor who proceeded to send me for every test in medical history!  I got  X-rayed, inserted with glow dye, CAT scans, specialist, and weekly visits to the medical vampires for blood draw. My arms were bruised like I was beaten, grabbed, and pinched. I was told that perhaps its Lupus or it might be a nervous breakdown. (Really?). Perhaps even the change … OMG!  I already done that, so do we have to repeat it ever so many years?

When doctors have no clue they always say its stress or you need to lose a few pounds. One night while meditating to reduce my stress (doctor’s orders), I heard a voice say, “There’s nothing wrong with you!” OMG, now I am hearing voices … what next??!!  Even though I wanted to come out of the dressing room … oh I forgot to tell y’all about the dressing room?  Well, my dressing room is my peaceful place. After all, all my designer shoes and purses and jewelry are all around me. I have a mat and a special pillow for my neck that I lie on and meditate. Whoever said you have to be sitting like a chicken with your legs crossed to meditate was wrong. This way works for me. Anyway, I wanted to get up and leave the dressing room but there was this calmness that came over me and made me feel like perhaps the voice knows what He’s talking about. I rolled over, looked at myself in the mirror, and saw that Delta Diva looking back at me as if to say … “Girl, stop tripping!”  I got off the floor, dolled myself up in my most stunning outfit. Did my makeup, put on my hair, put on my five inch heels and stepped out of the closet like a real Delta Diva!!!  So, what I’m trying to tell you is this: This aging gracefully thing might trip you up from time to time. But you look it straight in the eye, wearing your killer outfit and hair, and walk it off. My husband has decided not to say a word whenever he finds me in the kitchen wearing my Delta Diva Outfit.

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