Are You in an Abusive Relationship? Are You an Abuser?

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Wondering if you are in an abusive relationship?

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse do not discriminate

It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused, especially verbally & emotionally.

The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—onstantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—hances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive.

Verbal Abuse 
(“he” is interchangeable with “she”)

Verbal abuse falls into many categories, including:

* Abusive anger: He would blow up at you.
* Criticizing: He made derogatory comments about your weight and figure.
* Name-calling: He called you a liar and a hypocrite.
* Threatening: He taunted you about his leaving and liking other women.
* Blaming: He told you his behavior was your fault.

Name-calling is verbal abuse: Afterward, verbal abusers almost universally act like nothing happened, like they feel fine and the relationship is fine. This is because they feel they have more control. Maybe they got you to back down, believe them or doubt yourself. If you doubt yourself then you might go with what they tell you, be more compliant and more slave-like. This makes them happy.

Link Worthy Resources 

Ventura County Domestic Violence Resources.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911
Specialized training in domestic violence. We are here to help you heal and thrive. Individual or groups.

Battered Women’s Shelter
Great place to donate items (Ventura County), Battered Women’s Shelter 805-643-4411
Men, if you’re being abused this site may be of help to you as well

County of Ventura District Attorney
Crime Victim Assistance

Self Help from

A link exchange, brings others to this site

Emotional Manipulation 

You make a statement and it will be turned around. There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator. Example: I am really angry that you forgot my birthday. Response: “It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment – but you see I didn’t want to trouble you. When dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses.

Crazy making:  saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it. If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what’s been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity. You are experiencing emotional manipulation. WARNING: Emotional Manipulation is VERY Dangerous!

Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers. hey can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Any thing is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator.


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