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An Attitude of Gratitude

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Ok, I need to start off by saying I am NOT a positive person by nature. I almost always assume the worst, and anticipate that disaster lurks around every corner. I have the attitude of: Expect the worst. That way you’re not surprised with unpleasantness.

Now, I agree! This is a really un-healthy way of looking at things. I KNOW this! I always say to my family and friends, “Do you really think I WANT to be this way?” I have gotten varied replies, from, “Yes, because otherwise you’d work to not be this way,” to, “No, I guess not. Who would?” One of my co-worker asked me the other day why I allow myself to “get this way” when I was experiencing a moment of depressed anxiety, and I just didn’t have an answer. I guess I just DO.

Things have gotten worse for me since my divorce. I’m in a constant state of stress, and the only time I am free of it is when I am with my boyfriend on the weekends. I tend to spend my weeks wishing the days away, willing the week’s end to arrive. He said to me the other day that he looks forward to the weekends with me, but he tries to make the very best out of the week because, if he doesn’t, that is time lost that could have been well-spent. Man, I wish I could be like that!

So, I made a decision right then and there to start keeping a gratitude journal, and that I would publish it on this web-site so that my fellow members would hold me accountable. Monday through Friday, I am going to write about things that I am grateful for, and I welcome any and all comments from all of you Divine Caroline-ers!

Today is Tuesday, December 8th, and today I am grateful for:

1. My wonderful boyfriend Jason, with whom I celebrate ten wonderful months tomorrow.
2. My family, who is always there for me, even when I’m stupid.
3. My wonderful daughter Lily, who is healthy and smart, and who loves me without condition.
4. Jason’s mom and dad, who I love very much … and who seems to like me ok, too!
5. My job … even though it’s not my favorite thing in the world, it pays the bills. And there are so many people who can’t say that these days.

That’s it for today. Tune in tomorrow for more! Thanks for reading!

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