I could no longer feel the naked, wet newborn in my arms. As this was my first experience of childbirth I wondered why they had not mentioned this would happen during my childbirth preparation classes. Suddenly I felt as if I were being pulled out of my body. A feeling of detachment was coming over me. It was as if I was becoming an observer to what was occurring rather than being the principal player. The sounds in the room took on an almost muffled tone. I could still hear what was being said but it was as if I were not really in the room itself.
“Get an emergency operating room ready stat” yelled my doctor to the charge nurse.
“Oh my God, oh God!” was all my husband could say.
“She’s dying, she’s dying!” uttered from my mother over and over again.
Awareness was coming over me that I was indeed dying. The look on my doctor’s face and his demeanor was my affirmation. Ashen was his coloring, authoritative his voice, as he demanded that my vitals be read aloud repeatedly.
“72 over 44, 63 over 32, and 42 over 24” was the charge nurse’s reply.
Though 42 over 24 was the last vital that I recall hearing it was not my lowest recorded vital. Quickly I would “bottom out” at zero. Zero means your life force is leaving your body.
As my life force was exiting my body I found myself calling out to God. “Please God, do not let me die” was my cry.
Immediately my plea was answered by a calm, loving, gentle, and yet powerful voice. From this masculine voice above my bed and on the left side of me, I heard the words, “You have worked too hard for this. You are going to be fine.”
An indescribable feeling of peace and love instantaneously began to permeate every cell of my being. From head to toe and yet not within the confines of my body at all, I was being transformed by love in its’ purest form.
My mortal life was going to be saved. I understood that completely. My only job, I was told by God, was to relax and allow my doctor to fix my body. I remember desperately wanting to tell everyone in the room that I was going to be fine. I wanted to calm the organized chaos that reigned in the room as my doctor and four nurses were preparing me for surgery. I wanted to stop the cries of my husband, mother and aunt who had come to witness the beautiful birth of a new life, not to witness my death. Alas, no words were I able to speak. “42 over 24” and then I (my soul) left the room.
I found myself walking on a meandering path across gently rolling green hills. The path was lined with many brightly colored flowers. Flowers of all colors, types, shapes, and scents made up the quilt of flora. The path sloped down to a gently flowing brook. Over the brook was a wooden bridge that led up a flower strewn hillside. Crossing the brook and making my way up the path I became aware that not only were there magnificent flowers everywhere but that an iridescent glow of color was taking shape before my eyes. These liquid, vibrant, alive colors of purples, blues, reds, yellows, and oranges were forming into the shapes of giant, suspended pinwheels. They obscured the flowers and filled the sky so that only they were visible. They danced to a music that I could not hear. No sound at all did I hear. In their dancing they would lose their form, only to find it again. I watched in awe as this pattern of losing form and being reborn was played out for me over and again.
As the pinwheels faded into the sky I found that I had entered a garden. A grand garden, it reminded me of an English Garden with its tall flowers, slightly overgrown look and mixed beds. This garden seemed to go on forever with no defined beginning or ending. The edges of the garden simply faded into the sky.
I continued on the path towards a white gazebo that appeared off in the distance. Walking, I passed a handful of other souls, all dressed in white or cream colored robes. I did not acknowledge them nor them I. There was an innate understanding on my part that they were there for their own experience as was I. We had no need to communicate with one another. Walking on I reached the gazebo, entered it and looked upon the vastness and beauty of the garden I was walking in. As I was breathing in the complete beauty another soul entered the gazebo.
This soul was a woman, unrecognized to me, of about sixty years of age with short gray hair and a slight build. She was dressed in a cream colored robe, belted with a rope of silky material. She stood directly in front of me and asked, “What are you doing here? It is not your time.”
I was offended that she would think I did not know what I was doing there. “I know,” I said in a curt voice. “I am waiting for them to fix my body so I can go back.” With that said, she smiled and walked out of the gazebo.
Upon her exit I was retrieved by three spirit guides and whisked through the air to a higher plane. These guides looked much the same with their long white beards, happy, wrinkled faces and white flowing robes. They were all very tall, 6′5″ at least, and moved with effortless grace.
Once on this higher plane I found myself in a room of sorts. There were definite walls separating this room from the clouds and blue sky around it though they were difficult to see. Clear, bouncing molecules held the form of walls and formed a tall counter on one side. On this counter lay a very large, thick book. The book was covered in midnight blue suede like fabric with gold leaf on the edges of the pages. The book was open to a page a little more than halfway through the book.
(Part 1) | Part 2