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A Bad Day

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I’m having one of those days asking myself; what’d I do wrong to have this life?


Ever find yourself wondering about where you are in life and how you got here?


I’ve been doing this a lot the last few weeks. It might have something to do with my battle to live with Ovarian Cancer (stage 3-b). However, I think that’s a small part of this process. I’m sixty-two and I’d always thought I’d live to be at least ninety and now with being sick I’m afraid I won’t get to do everything I always secretly dreamed of.


Are you quietly thinking the same thing even if you’re much younger? You can be forty and have the same obsession. How’d I get here and what can I do to change my current life? I’d suggest everyone think about their life young or old. The younger the better because you have more time to modify your life and make things more to what you feel you need to be happy. It’s a dreadful position when you go to sleep at night and wish you had a better or more fulfilling life. Just thinking through what you want or have dreamed of will give you hope for finding a content place in this complex world. Dreams are considered healthy and will drive you to working towards your goals.


I don’t mean wandering off to another country to save the tiger or something far fetched. I suggest working on what you dream now; where you live today. Same home, town, and place; moving or running is not the answer. If you are unhappy or unsure you have to figure it out where you are and make choices that will change the way you feel. It may be as simple as changing your job. Purchasing a different home or remodeling the one you’re in. 


Therefore, I began the process while writing for my blog I asked myself all kinds of personal questions, wrote them down. Began thinking about them one by one. Was I happy in my marriage and job? Was I doing what I always dreamed of? On and on and so on. The thoughts were endless and good for my mind.


I asked hard and easy questions. I made sure I didn’t answer them right away. They surprised me and as I worked through the process I had more questions then answers.


It’s been healthy and I’ve come to some surprising answers. It made me realize there were many things I hadn’t done that I could have. So I’ve been on a mission to plan and fulfill some of what I’ve not taken the time to do yet. Maybe it’s too late to change my life completely however, there are changes we make to bring a personal satisfaction to our day-to-day world. I’m seeing my grandchildren more. I’m doing a few more things with my husband (surprise lunches) and we’re taking Sunday drives and talking about our future. That is our old future together. Being that we’re both in our sixties. You can do the same. Make some small changes that could bring a smile to your face. Didn’t they always say it’s the small things that count? So here:




I’ll give you a few ideas to help you as you have these feelings.


Write a list of things you want to do and haven’t taken the time for yet. Maybe it’s a friend you wanted to visit. Or a getaway you’ve always talked about and didn’t do.


Call a friend and ask them to make the plans with you. Sometimes by making the commitment to the date and place, it’s all you need to get the trip started.


If you’ve always wanted to take classes for a craft or skill you thought you have. Go on line and check some of the high schools in your area. Night school classes start in September and you may be able to take an art, writing, or a craft you’ve always wanted to do. The computer is an easy way to see what’s available in your area.


Start small to get yourself thinking about what you like. Even if it’s having dinner with someone in your family; a person you respect that you could share some thoughts with. Eating, talking and just being with a person you trust is relaxing and good for your mind.


It could be that simple having your mind feel good about something just for you. If it’s possible take an exercise or yoga class. Getting the mind and body in shape is also very important when you begin to think about your future. This year one of my goals is to take a yoga and meditation class. While blogging I made new friend; her name is Debbie Lane and she sent me some tapes that have helped me mediate and sleep better.


No matter what you do to get happier, may I suggest you call your doctor and get a complete physical if you haven’t gotten one in awhile. I was having a gall bladder attack when my General Physician found my cancer. If he hadn’t I may not be here today. So that should be one of the things on your to do list.


As you decide what could make you more contented in your world be true to yourself. Not what anyone else needs? It has to be your desires and for just awhile be selfish and do things for yourself. Think long and hard before you decide. Then move slowly and do one thing at a time. Keep a journal and record your feelings as you accomplish some of your to do list. If only one thing changes for the better in your world. It’s worth the whole exercise. Keep going back and asking yourself what’s important to you. Start with the small things. I did and I’m amazed at how it’s made me feel personally. Writing for blogs has been wonderful. It makes me deal with my inner thoughts. Then I find myself doing things for just me. There is no sure cure; however, there is more times where you can feel good about you. Take them and make more. I’ll be back with more thoughts if you’re interested. 


My best, Dorothy from grammology.

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