Becoming Me

+ enlarge

I am a mom and wife, but so far not an individual. Since the age of fifteen, I have been involved in a relationship with barely any time in between. I was with my first husband for ten years before he left me for another woman. I had had three kids by that time and lived nowhere near anyone I knew. I was so lost because, at the time, I had never been an individual, only a wife and mother; not only that, my ex had left for Iraq when all this was going on. Feeling lost is so hard when you don’t have time to find yourself because you have little lives that depend on you. My youngest was less than a year old; I just moved to a new place and I felt so unwanted. I was in a really bad place.

When all this happened, I was determined to become a person of my own, take care of my kids and leave men behind for a long time. Not long after, I met a guy and fell for him immediately. I was lucky to find him too, because he was a decent man and not just one of those that preys on a woman in a bad place. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions. I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be independent and I was still trying to grasp all the feelings that come with a sudden shock of everything. I was very conflicted with everything going on in my life, but he stood by me throughout everything. That was one of life’s greatest surprises.

Now, I have married that man, and with him around, I have started to learn more about myself. I still don’t have many friends and am not exactly sure of what I want out of life, but I don’t need more people. I need to learn to “work with what I’ve got.” The one thing I do know is that I am an individual and I am the only one who can make me happy. I may not know what I want, but I do know that once I figure it out, I am not going to let anyone or anything stand in my way. I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression, I do have days and even weeks where I doubt my abilities in my endeavors, but I keep reminding myself that I’m the only one who can change things.

My advice for anyone else who feels lost in life and doesn’t know where to go, is take each day one at a time. Life can be really cruel sometimes, but it can also bring along some of the best surprises when you least expect them. I may not know yet who I am, but I am no longer letting anyone else dictate it for me. When I’m happy, it is because I allow happiness into my life. I am sad too, but I know that I have control over how long. Life is just waiting to be grabbed and I am taking the reins.


Loading comments...