Okay, new drama. His son crashed his mother’s car and he (he = my boyfriend) has to drive her around. Yes, he goes to pick her up and pays her driving tickets when she has another man in the house with her. Then my ex-boyfriend, who is also my kids’ father, decided to bang on my front door and scare the shit out of me. I open the door and he instantly starts the “Oh my God” and other complaining. He makes his way upstairs and goes into the middle room, which is my kids’ play room. It is a mess: clothes, shoes, and toys all over the place. I go in and clean sometimes, but the same day its back to the tornado that is my children. Anyhow. I am here in tears because I feel betrayed on so many levels and I have been upset all day because my unemployment stopped two months early and I am disabled. My boss, who I sued for workman’s comp, told me to file unemployment and then sent my papers to sign. The papers were my resignation papers from her company. I felt like shit when she sent me those because I sacrificed so much and did so much for her and the company. I win, and then everything falls into play. I can now be independent. Well, that is far from the truth.
I went to church yesterday and the preacher preached about love. The new commandment Jesus left because the Pharisees questioned him. So I am cleaned from all the stuff that was causing me to fall backward. I come home happy. I sent my boyfriend a text saying how sorry I was for being so mean to him. I forgave him for what he said to me. Three hours after him picking me and my kids up, he calls me to tell me his son was in an accident. So he heads out to see if his son is okay. He gets there and the police take the car because it has no registration and his son’s license is suspended. I knew in my chakra that this was bad. For me mostly, because she was going to dig her claws back into my boyfriend and he will melt. I was in tears last night because I felt like it was over and he was going back to her. Well, today he calls me and tells me he has his son and his son is down at his job waiting for him. What he did not tell me was she was too. This woman who he claims to hate because she moved another man into the house he brought for her and him. She is in his car all day long. Traffic court closes about 4:00 or 5:00. He gets off work at 12:00, when most people are at lunch. So from 5:00 to 9:30 p.m. where was he? He was with her. I am not dumb.
I chose a long time ago to let go of my kids’ father. He left me for the person he is with now. During the relationship, while I was pregnant with my son, he cheated on me. He disappeared for days, sometimes weeks, and then woke up the day after Christmas 2001 and told me he didn’t love me anymore and I had to leave. I left sad and broken; I left with my two kids. Nothing has been the same since. We tried to work it out many times, but because he is an ignorant jackass and I am who I am I, it would not work. So here comes today March 7, 2011, My unemployment ends two months early, I am paying $500 a month for my daughter to get tutored and she is failing science, I have to pay my rent, my daughter and son are going to Disney World this summer and I already paid half of it, my daughter is going to Canada for a week with her school and I missed the appointment for her to get her passport at a discounted price because her father waited till Friday night to come and get a paper he had to get notarized. I am stressed out because I have to do everything for my kids and he does really nothing. I am in tears because I feel betrayed. Yes, because I put so much into what I do I sacrificed so much, especially for people I love. So I call my boyfriend and he does not pick up the phone. Five minutes later he calls me back and I tell him what is going on. My kids’ father is in here and he will not leave. He called me a liar and then crazy and then a bitch. I threw a couple of f-bombs at him and that’s it. So now I feel like shit because after all I do, even giving up myself to please him when I don’t want to, I feel betrayed because the man I was with for six years cheated on me and threw me out onto the street and then now another man who I love dearly cheated on me lied to me and betrayed me. PS: he tried to cover it up. He came to my house and called me outside and grabbed me hugging me. He keeps calling me saying how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me in his life. How he wants to marry me tomorrow and how much he loves my kids.
I raised my hand and told God I would change because I was being so mean. I can’t go back on my word when I pray for help with my attitude to change and how sorry I was for treating them like that. So I am now in tears because I am asking myself for what. I let it all go and I forgave my kids’ father and my boyfriend. I felt bad because my kids’ father says I make him feel like the bad guy. I felt like shit really and now this. Betrayed again by a man I once loved and a man I love.