Boundaries, Self Respect, and the Judgment of Others

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Have you ever met someone and felt automatically attracted to them? Perhaps not even sexually, but just their energy kicks you up a notch when you’re around them, and you want to plug into that power as much as possible.

Then there’s the reverse. The person that you struggle to be around, that you avoid like the plague and that really sucks the life out of you or makes you feel uncomfortable in their presence. Everyone elicits some sort of feeling response in us, but these two feelings tend to be the extreme.

There’s a person who has recently come into my life that I feel strangely repelled by. Honestly, she’s such a nice, easy going gal, but to spend time with her really gets me going in the wrong direction. So, being the spiritually savvy gal that I have become these days, I ask myself why why why?? She’s very congenial and kind!

Suddenly it hit me after much deliberation—it’s not that I don’t like her … (I do actually), it’s that I lack respect for her based on queues from her own feelings of herself. My feelings for her are in direct response to her feelings about herself!

So how do I know she feels this way? No, she didn’t confide in me that’s she’s sooner see herself hit by a bus than live another day. Rather, this sentiment of self distain is evident by her actions.

She smokes, and far be it from me to lecture anyone on the perils of this habit, but who’s going to argue that it’s probably the most conscious insult to your own health you can choose to participate in aside from a heroin habit or taking up tossing yourself into oncoming traffic as a pastime.

She’s out of shape, out of style, and takes little interest in her personal presentation. Now I’m not saying that high fashion equates to unwavering self confidence, but if you take virtually no interest in the way you present yourself to the world, the world will respond in kind. Who’s kidding who?

Her posture, her speech, and her demeanor are downward in energy. She walks with a slouch, the tone of her voice is deep and sad, and her discussions are dull and task oriented.

But overwhelmingly, I noticed that she had no boundaries between what the world could impress upon her, and what she would be willing to take. If someone accidentally dropped doggie doodoo in this woman’s cornflakes, then offered her a fresh bowl of cereal she’d surely say “don’t bother, I’ll eat around it.”

So this musing is not to practice judgment and certainly not with any malicious intent. I only wish the best for this gal and our time together is temporary for sure. But with all people that come into your life, they have something to teach, and my sad teacher has taught me so much in a short time about self respect. Without it, your unpopularity will go far beyond the reaches of your own skin as people can see, hear, and sense your sentiments of yourself.

So take some time to think about that which you see in yourself. I guarantee others will see it in you too as we are typically more transparent then we realize.

Love yourself first and the world will follow. Love yourself not all, and the world will respond in the exact same way.


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