Crabby and Saggy

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Did I get older last night? Because I swear I didn't have these pains yesterday, I am sure that I lost hair last night and gain a few pounds. What happens in the night that makes me wake up and wonder who this old hag staring back at me is? What did you do with my former self I ask? 

The morning has started like a big hangover, red eyes, and my body feels as if I actually may have “gotten some “last night. (That is another story) 
So here I am in the mist of beauty creams and girdles. I check my pillow, where in the hell has my hair gone? I have a sudden urge to call my mom and ask her if she has a clue to what is happening to me , My mother however must have paid a ransom to avoid this thief in the night , and I am not really at all interested in hearing about going to the gym, and my nasty smoking habit. (Come on, I haven’t had a vodka, let me have one guilty pleasure.
As I take a second look in the mirror, I think “maybe I should have taken the vodka. “


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