I won’t trouble to list marriages of siblings, cousins, and assorted relatives but I will tell you at each and every one I inevitably met up with someone questioning me on how long I’m planning to wait before I take the plunge. Though my answer was unvarying, it never stopped them asking at the next wedding and the subsequent myriad of baby showers following. My answer is always, when and if I find the right man, always followed by the predictable backhand lob of, and what if you don’t, no man is going to be perfect. This only prompts me to restate that I said, right for me, not right to someone else or to some unreachable status of perfect. For some reason this draws a crowd of relatives that seemed to be in a state near to terror that I may “run out of time.” I was smirking, I admit it, I believe in respecting my elders but I was so close to laughing I could hardly help it.
Now don’t get me wrong, I like men, I date, I’ve even had several long term relationships and one proposal which I turned down but what exactly am I about to run out of time to do? Spawn, which I never had any intention what so ever of doing, as they know very well. It’s a personal choice for reasons I wont mention in this post. I just don’t get it. I have seen some friends stay with men that cheat on them and in one case, hit her. A close relative married the first man that asked her simply because she didn’t want to be left behind her friends and is more than unhappy with him now. I’ve also seen some wonderful loving relationships like my grandparents that loved each other to the day each died. I just don’t see the purpose of settling or marrying for desperation. I love and value me and I show that value in not letting someone treat me badly in any number of ways. I deserve better than a cheating, thieving or abusive man. I’ve never dated a man that abused or stole from me. When I found out a man was cheating on me I left him and eventually he cheated on the woman he thought was better than me.
As mentioned I’ve also had some very good relationships that I’m thankful to have known the men and still hold them in high regard. Regard however doesn’t mean it was something that could last “until death do us part.” Something I happen to take seriously. I feel if I go to the trouble to make a vow, a promise, I should mean what I say and do my very best to see to keeping that promise. It’s my personal opinion that to many run right into marrying far to soon before they even know the person. They feel the first flutter of love and while the infatuation part is still fresh they make lifetime plans before they bother to get to know the other person’s annoying little habits they are going to have to live with as well.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m far from perfect myself, and the first to admit it. I have my own little habits that some can’t live with, some can live with and still others find totally endearing. One man’s poison is another’s pudding as the case may be. I love me and like anyone else in my life that I love I want the best for me. Not that I expect every day to be a party. I won’t give up hope that the right man is out there for me and no less will do. I won’t rush because it’s possible I may die before that happens. I simply want however long I have “until death do us part” to be worthwhile. I want it to be something I’m glad I did, not like some I see even in my own extended family where the couple spends as little time as possible around each other because they can barely stand each other or more bickering than blessing. I want to be cherished as much as cherishing him deep down even though some days I’m hard to deal with or I feel frustrated because his socks are on the floor after asking him 109 times to use the hamper … dang it.
Every relationship is prone to its trouble, fighting and getting through as much as the good parts. I have no intention of giving up on that because someone else thinks I’ve passed my love expiration date. I have a lot to offer and anyone that can’t appreciate that is not worth my time. If I do “run out of time” then so be it but at least I can go to my end knowing I loved and respected myself enough to not make a promise I regretted simply to make others happy. If I do at times feel lonely at least it will be because I am alone and not because I feel alone in a relationship that has no love, compassion, and compatibility. Thank you God.