Death Before Dishonor?

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A friend of mine posted the following on Facebook tonight: “My husband is the BEST. The grass is bright green from where I am standing.” Lucky you, I thought to myself sarcastically.

You may not find this as obnoxious as I do? I have heard the old adage if you have a problem look in the mirror, and I do recognize that the reason I find this irritating is because I am the one with the problem.

The irony is, I was always the one making proclamations like: “I would never stay married if my husband cheated on me.” Throw two kids and eleven years together into the mix and things change.

My husband did have an affair, and I stayed with him. I know this does not make me unique. I know men cheat all the time. Sometimes wives find out, sometimes they don’t. I did. A lot of women don’t stay. I chose to because he showed real remorse. We faced the issues in our relationship in therapy, and together we are working towards a stronger marriage.

If it was not for the fact that my husband had an affair, and the fact that I shared the details with this friend, I might not find her post so irritating. But there is also the fact that this is not an isolated incident for her. She often brags about her husband, saying things like “Our motto is death before dishonor.” Good for you, again I sarcastically think to myself.

When you get right down to it, I think what is really bothering me is two fold:

1. Obviously I still am upset that my husband cheated on me, and on some level I probably always will be. I feel as though our marriage is tarnished. I have forgiven him, and we are happy, but it left a stain on our marriage that can never be completely washed away.

2. She never made comments like this before I shared my painful story with her, and now she makes them all the time.

I realize that it may come across that I am just jealous. Let me just point out that I am not a bitter, jealous friend. I am thrilled that most of my friends have happy marriages and I pray that none of them will ever have to go through what I went through. It is just the bragging that bothers me. I feel like she is throwing her untarnished marriage back in my face.

Then again, I know sometimes people brag in order to mask their fears; Divorce and infidelity are rampant in our society. When someone close to you goes through it, it’s scary, it makes it real. It would be normal and natural for her to be scared. But I still really wish she would keep her braggy comments about her marriage to herself, and realize how they sting someone who has been through what I have been through.

 But, ultimately, I know it boils down to me being over sensitive. It is my problem, and I will need to get over it. And to think, I thought for a minute that I would have nothing to talk about in therapy next week.


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