Difficult Things to Deal With

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There are some things that are hard to get through:

Like your long time, often recycled ex getting married on the same weekend another ex is marrying the 22 year old college student he dumped you for.

Like some of your dearest and best friends being part of that same crew of friends and having to choose to leave yourself out of certain social situations to avoid impending heartache and ego bruising.

Like being too proud to show your feathers are ruffled by these two events, then sending one of said exes a text that says “He’s engaged ALREADY!” when it was actually meant for one of your girlfriends.

Like burying memories of a cheating ex so deep, you don’t realize the underlying anger that still burns when you try to write your memoir, which ends with curse words and biting blanket statements that each member of your writing group feels and understands, but recommends you take out. They got your point. He sucked.

Like seeing pictures of a housewarming party that you weren’t invited to, by the guy who pushed to be so serious in the beginning, then slacked immediately because of all the “drama with the house”, then asked to be “friends”, then completely forgot your existence, but invited some of your mutual friends of friends who posted pictures of the event on Facebook for your wandering eyes to stumble upon.

Like avoiding the urge to blame yourself, because it’s somehow easier to believe it’s you, because at least then you can falsely make an argument for the fact that this is something you can control, because the world can’t be that cruel, and because typically a good person like you, that is looking for love probably shouldn’t have to deal with so many crappy relationships in one life, because you have to, have to believe that there is a light at the end of this very, very dark tunnel and all of the love you have within yourself will eventually meet its match, and force you to appreciate the hurdles you’ve cleared to get there.

Like realizing that this might be why you continue to get into relationships that are doomed to fail, because you dwell on the past and forget to move forward, thus impeding your ability to make a good choice and think about what you want, stifling your urge to find your best self, without being dependent on or defined by someone else.

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