Hello to you all, my name is Joyce, but you can call me Luyah. I joined Divine Caroline over a year ago; it is a wonderful place to communicate and read some great articles. I haven’t been very active on DC until now. I wanted to post something that we all could chat about. In a way, I guess I am trying to take a poll before publication (pray for that one with me).
Research says that 67 percent of Americans are overweight and that 37 percent of us are obese. Whoo!! That’s not good. With the tough economical times that we are facing in America, I believe that now would be a great time to get that under control, exercise a little more, and possibly start saving a little more for the future. Believe me when I say that I have a lot more to say on this topic and I guess I can save that for another post. I look forward to your insight, comments, and feedback. May God bless you as you sit back and join me in divorcing unhealthy foods.
Love,
Luyah
“The Love Letter from Unhealthy Foods for Men,” by J. Ivey
Hello Darlin, I am writing you this letter today to let you know just how much I appreciate you. Saturated fats called me today and they mentioned something that made me very uncomfortable. Oh, I’ll quit beating around the bush and just ask, okay, did high blood pressure run into you at a sports bar last night? They said that you were flirting with cottage cheese and pineapple, I can’t stand those two you know. I must admit that I was upset there for a minute Cupcake, then I remembered that I am the one in control of our relationship, therefore I have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Sweetheart, have I told you lately about the many things that I love about you, for instance, when you come in from work and head straight for the home-theater chair, sometimes you just sit there for hours on end watching movies or your favorite teams play ball; I also love it when you go out on the deck and cook up those cancer-causing treats on the grill. In case you’re wondering dear heart, I’m not really worried about you messing around with healthy foods so much because you have been committed to me for so long that you’ve probably forgotten how to deal with something healthy.
Baby, guess what came in the mail the other day? Some gym had the nerve to send you a free membership. I think that is ridiculous! Who wants to work out and get their body in shape anyway? Not to worry, my love, I believe a bottle of syrup fell over on it as you were leaving the table yesterday. Did I tell you how you make me so proud whenever you refuse to go running with your friends and the fact that you haven’t gone fishing in years is all right with me. Besides, what would you do with all that healthy fish anyway?
So Darlin, what exactly did pineapple have to say to you? I could just guess that it was something like “I’m better for you,” or “If you stick with me I can make you feel young again,” or here is a real classic line, “I wouldn’t mind you hanging out with other fruits and vegetables.” I can just here healthy now, bragging about how they can bring down your cholesterol, and work with you on your blood pressure. I know that healthy foods told you they could help you get down to your idea weight, and possibly get you a six-pack. But let me tell you something my love, I can get you all the six-packs you want.
Honey, please remember that I will always be there for you, whenever you are stressed out, lonesome, bored, or disappointed. If you get upset in any way I will be there to comfort you, okay sweetie? Like I said earlier, I forgive you for flirting with healthy and her friends because all they really want to do is bring you down, your weight, your blood pressure, and maybe even your heart rate! And I know that you are not going to let some outside influences mess around with your blood pressure. Cupcake, the only thing that healthy foods might possibly bring up is your self-esteem and self-worth, and we both know that you don’t need either one of those things anymore, not with the unbelievable lifestyle that you are now leading with me.
Baby, I realize how much that I have weighed you down in the past, giving you indigestion and stomach aches every now and then; I am actually proud of the way you let me keep you from fitting into your favorite slacks, I do love the way you depend on me. I love you too. Sugarplum, remember last week when we were in the kitchen and you began clutching your hand to your heart, I thought that was so sweet. I know that you were thinking of me and not pineapple. I’m not worried, because I have always been here for you, and as long as you will have me, I will always be here. I’ll never forget the time when your best friend from high school asked you to be the best man at his wedding and you to told him no because you refuse to were a tuxedo in your size. That was okay with me, Babycakes. I’ve always thought you looked sexier in sweatpants anyway.
Listen dear, I want to share something with you that I have never told you before, because I think it is time that you knew, grilled salmon stole my last man just over a year ago. He started hanging out with healthy and her friends, just like you are trying to do now! And the next thing I knew he was too darn healthy to deal with me anymore and I am determined not to let that happen to me again. So if you are contemplating changing your lifestyle and hanging out with healthy and her friends, then I advise you to get prepared to go down!! Way down!!
Signed,
Unhealthy Foods
P.S. Don’t go changing.
