I figured out what the end of it was and why I felt so afraid of ending the bad relationships for good. It took for me to do something I had never done before but it totally released me to be free. It allowed me to dig deep into myself and look at what went wrong. I didn’t want to settle nor was I okay with the yelling, fighting, telling me what to do, taking care of his bills, and other things. He wanted to move me away from my family and that is when I began to see and feel the abuse coming. I am so glad God gave me the strength to leave.
The end of it meant walking away from the abuse, the rejection, the sadness, the tears, the depression, the hatred. All the negative things that have ever happened to me. The rapes, the beatings, the words spoken against me, the lies and the fears—the lonely night and the long days. I began to feel like I did as a child, unloved unwanted and rejected. I am so glad God gave me the strength to leave.
I feel good now. I am happy and I know what it means to love someone or something now. My heart is open, I can be open and the best thing of all I can trust my own heart.
Never again will I fall for one’s words because the actions don’t match up. The minute I feel like it’s getting to be too much for me to handle I wont go any further. I will have a voice. I won’t be afraid.
My message is to all the woman who are in relationships with abusive mates. You have to dig deep down into yourself for the strength to leave. The man is not powerful. His words are and they will cause you to be so afraid. They shut you out from the whole world and you become so disconnected from yourself that you lose who you are.
I grew up in a dysfunctional abusive home full of fear and pain. It took me years to come to forgiveness because I got tired of carrying the load. The older you get the heavier it gets and before you know it the label is stuck to you.
Find the voice and say I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM! Healing takes time. The scars can heal when you close your eyes and release it back into the universe. It will always be there but once you allow your self to feel it will because a distant memory. It will be there because it will keep you safe. The thoughts will keep you from ever getting beat and talked down to. The thoughts will keep you from allowing anyone to steal your heart and rip your soul into pieces.
The abuse is over and I am better for it. I am here, I am happy, I am ready to take on the world and be the woman I am destined to be. Thank God I am free.
