Envy and Jealousy

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“Daddy!” yells a four-year-old boy.

“Go back inside!” said his mom.

“When is Dad coming home, Ma?” the boy asked his mom.

“Daddy will arrive soon.” Then a silence.

I was hearing this conversation outside my bedroom window. And I was feeling envy a lot! It was my cousin and her son. Today is Friday night, the schedule day of her husband to come home. He is a seaman; once a week he has a day off from work. At least they have one day a week to be together and spend time as a family. They are expecting a new baby soon, and are hoping for a baby girl, or at least that’s what her husband desires. Well, I know why her husband wishes for a girl. That is to look exactly like her!

Actually, everyone could surely comment, “Oh, is that her husband? Is there no other guy to be better than him?” That will be the first opinion of anyone could see them together. But the fact is, there is nothing wrong about her husband. It is just that my cousin is too beautiful for him! My cousin could be a ramp model today if she did not get pregnant unexpectedly and have no plan about it. She had no choice but to marry him and build a family, then a career.

The truth is, I have been so jealous of them. Not their relationship but the fact that they have at least a time to be together! But sometimes, they don’t know how to use it and they argue and fight because of some issues. Yes, I knew what their issues were. My cousin did not hide anything from me about their problems and most of their fights. If we have the chance to talk, we are both open to each other about the happenings and current situation of our marriage. We could always talk, but I have this attitude of laziness to talk a person personally often like every day. So even how she wants me to come over to her house, which is few steps away, and I’d rather stay at home … Well, I guess, it is my illness to be like that attitude already.

I am glad of what becoming in their relationship right now. It’s getting mature and growing of peacefulness in their marriage. Her husband wanted a second baby for long time already, and my cousin didn’t wanted because of her some reason like, “What if we will separate one day?” So I told her once, that maybe her husband wanted more children so that he could assure that my cousin will not leave him and find somebody else. And the truth it is all depend on him, anyway! He was overprotective and strict with her! She feels her husband holding her in the throat that makes her difficult to breath! Her husband was controlling her if what dress she should wear! She should not wear revealing dresses, no shorts short and miniskirts when going out unless her husband was with her. No spaghetti-strap tube, just at home! More on going out to the market and do some grocery, in etc … etc … sexy dresses! Wow! What kind of a husband is that! He more wanted my cousin to wrap herself in a whole cloth! There are truly a husband been like that! Yeah, too opposite on other husbands I mostly knew! (But my cousin wore sexy dresses if the husband was not around. It is her normal thing anyway!)

On the other hand, my cousin was too jealous and suspicious of her husband. Because it is said that at every port, seamen let paid women come up at the ship and used them (sex), or they go to some club … that was ewww, a lot! My cousin was always confronting her husband and warning him. I guess it was mostly the reason for their fights. That is all I could say then. It is their life anyway. I am out of the line and I should not go furthermore. I am just glad now for the path their relationship is taking …

That jealousy is real a pest in a marriage or in any relationship. Like an insect that eats your house little by little and slowly. If you will not destroy their colony right away, it will too late then to stop it all anymore!

However, this story is mine anyway! Ha ha! Like many say, just laugh at your problems! Laugh at your sadness and laugh at your troubles! Even you have the illness of no cure! Just laugh and stay positive? Who could that be in a reality? Well, it’s often said that laughter is the best medicine! So why not then? And it is free to try! It is not matter then … All my concern now is my son. My hearts hurts a lot while I am listening to that conversation above. How if the time comes and my son could able to ask me the same question? What best answer I will give? Could he completely understand our situation? I am just hoping and praying that he was, though my son is very intelligent and shows wisdom in his very young age.

I couldn’t avoid to not wishing and dreaming often for the moment, that my son and I waiting in the garage or in the door steps for his dad’s arrival from his work and we could meet him a hug and a kiss right away! And I will always longing for this moment to be come true one day!

For now, all I could do is to stay strong in this marriage. This being apart is very hard for two hearts that are very thirsty for each other. I need to be positive the whole time for my son and try my all best! For the day, we could join his dad finally, to become a happy and a complete family portrait.

Four hours earlier, after one hour of waiting, I could hear my cousin’s voice calling his son and told him that his dad was home! After a few seconds, I could hear then the yelling of a happy and very excited son who meets his dad in the front door! And I don’t need to peek in my window to witness the whole scene next … The father picks up his son, and the son’s smile is as sweet as ever—enough to melt his longing and make his exhaustion disappear and aching body from hard work! Then, a smile from his wife that moves his heart and beat it fast! His yearning for his wife, that craving inside … Every night, he lies in his bed, alone, and wishing for his wife’s presence nearby to close to him!

Yeah … envy and jealousy!



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