I have to admit that up until the age of thirty, I had no idea that there was anything specifically powerful about being a woman. No one had told me that there was anything special about being a woman other than I got a period, could have babies, and had boobs. The notion of “feminine” anything, other than maybe feminine hygiene, never crossed my mind until I went on my first “retreat,” all women, all weekend, six months after the devastating experience of getting dumped on the way to my engagement party.
Before that blow, the last thing I wanted to do was spend a weekend with all girls getting all intimate and woman-like. I liked being around men. I was a driven, goal-oriented woman focused on climbing the ladder and amassing everything I thought I needed to be successful. But that weekend with those twenty-five women changed it all. It became the catalyst for a seven-year journey into meeting, embracing, and learning to love the feminine in me. That was the weekend I started to tap into my Femmergy—the abundant and infinite supply of energy available to a woman when she fully taps into her feminine powers, and stop living my life like a masculine machine on overdrive.
Today, I know that what’s powerful about being a woman is infinite, and one of the powers I love most is our ability to receive. To open up and invite things in, to open up and let things happen. Before my introduction to this “feminine” power within me, I didn’t let anything happen; I made it happen. I drove myself, I drove projects, and I drove my life to where I wanted it to be. I didn’t trust that I could allow for things to happen naturally. If something wasn’t working, I pushed harder and worked harder to make it happen. It was thrilling but exhausting. Today, I’m smarter, and I know that if something isn’t working, I stop and listen (also a very feminine power) and adjust. Now, it’s not like I sit under a bodhi tree, meditating all day waiting for things to happen, although wouldn’t that be nice! What I’ve learned is that I have to put my intention out there and move towards it while holding myself open for whatever comes. I am convinced that learning how to trust the power of receiving has saved me millions of headaches, dollars, and wasted hours. And I’m still learning.
I love my relationship with the woman inside me because it’s really caused me to honor things in my life that I didn’t always make time for—my creativity, my body, creating and seeing beauty all around me. It’s also the place that is the most compassionate and loving with me. In the moments when my driven, over-achieving masculine self is berating me for not doing enough or telling me there’s no time to slow down, it’s my feminine side that comes in, holds me, shows me compassion, and allows me to relax, be kind to myself, and reminds me that I can trust that it will all happen if I just trust, let go, and give myself some much needed love.