With Thanksgiving behind us, elizabeth and I decided that it might be a good time to start counting our blessings. Or at least acknowledge a few things that we appreciate. So here goes.
Full-length mirrors that make you look skinny. If you don’t have one of these, go to any lengths necessary to get one. If you see it in a store, steal it. If it’s in a fun house, get free passes to visit at least once a day. Your self-esteem will soar, and you will be able to wear all those clothes in your closet that are at least one size too small. Here’s how I solved the problem until I found my magic mirror. There’s a reflective piece of plastic around the buttons that summon my elevator. If I stand on the right side of that plastic, my thighs are thinner than when I came out of the womb. A few steps to the left and we’re back to chunky. But believe me, for one of the few times of my life, I make sure I’m to the far right.
elizabeth: Hair products that don’t lie to me. A few weeks ago I believed I found a hair product that really did what the copywriter from the advertising agency wrote that it did. It prevented the dreadful frizzing (even though Vogue said a few issues back that the frizzy look could come back again—again as what, pray tell) and I fell into the black hole of sucker punched consumers and made my purchase. Hell, I nearly bought stock in the company. The Holy Grail of hair products was mine. I blew my wavy hair straight, I pour the suggested amount into my palms and gently rubbed the love potion into my hair and grabbed my flat iron and I got the look I had been dreaming of since the first humid day of summer. NASA would not be calling anymore. No longer would my hair pick up life on Mars.
I was meeting a friend in the city and I was not going to let a little drizzle frizzle my day or my hair. I had on the elixir of frizz control. Well, you know how a riot starts? One person shoves another; one person yells fire and then another fool says the opposing team is a bunch of babies. Well imagine that happening to my hair. By the time I got into Penn Station a sweet faced child (with a prison term in his future) looked up at me and then to his mother inquired why Bozo was in street clothes. You see the circus was in town. And your aunt Margaret from Mars asks why you don’t call anymore.
So I would be really grateful if anyone out there knows of a hair product that can control frizz. Really I don’t ask for much.
Found money. Is there any better feeling than coming across money that you either forgot or didn’t even know existed? Change shoved into a pocket of last season’s trousers or winter coat, dollar bills used as a bookmark for a book you never finished, a $10 bill tucked into the inside zipper compartment of a purse, quarters under the sofa cushions—these are a few of my favorite things. Forget snowflakes and whiskers. Money, honey—that will do it every time. Admit it—what could brighten your day as much as a $20 bill found on a deserted street? Sure, you’d give it back if only the owner was around, but since they aren’t, quickly slip it into your pocket and skip down the street.
elizabeth: I think I left a fifty on your coffee table. I can describe it. Dead guy with a beard. Big building on the other side. There is a reward being offered for its safe return.
No, it’s not another fifty.
Finding out that your addictions are good for you. Dark chocolate has anti-oxidants, shopping is good for the economy, red wine will keep your heart healthy, an apple a day keeps the doctor away, hair dye adds body to your hair (elizabeth is dancing in the streets), Sketchers make you skinny, and Smarties make you smart (okay, I made that one up). Now those are things to be thankful for.
elizabeth: Could you imagine a red wine with a strong chocolate after taste? I bet it would make my hair frizz. But after a few glasses … like I would care.
And we are grateful for everyone who takes the time to read our blogs. In 2010 we are going to take the best of our blogs (which would be all of them) and put them into a best selling book. And no I haven’t had any red wine with a strong chocolate after taste. Yet.