Finding My True Self

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This morning I was home by myself sitting in front of my computer. Thinking of so many things in my life and what I want to do with myself. I’m here at home dreaming but I’m so afraid to even want to get out of myself. The self that I am in right now is fearful, scared, and depressing. I can’t seem to get myself to go far. Whenever I try, I fail, so I give up, people turn me down, friends talk behind my back about how bad I am doing … I listen to them brag about their accomplishments, and I keep thinking, What are they doing that I am so afraid of doing? Darkness seems to like me more than the light. I walk around the world that is so beautiful, but deep inside I don’t like what I see, so I sleep time away. I have no creative juice and no enlightenment. I tell people what to do about their lives, what would work for them, and how they should live their lives, but I can’t seem to see mine.

My juice is dry, my thoughts are closed, and I am weak. Do you know why? Because no one gives me a chance … Never has anyone asked what my life is like. When I want to share my own weakness to any of them, they seem to shut down. I could feel the energy before—I even say something, and the clouds just hang like it might rain, with my tears and my heart beating like the thunder of raindrops ready to go.

Something strange happens after all the tears. I am awakened by that little voice inside my ego nest! Are you feeling sorry for yourself? it whispers, and then I realize it was just a dream. I jump up to catch a glimpse of my true self, just waiting for me to pass through the storm. I hear courage, I see the light, and I am free of my own true self  


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