I’m a huge believer in fate but only when it’s convenient for me. For example, if relationships at home or projects at work are going through a rough patch, it’s tempting to chalk it up to pithy maxims like, “If it’s meant to be,” and “When one door closes, another one opens.” On the other hand, when years of hard work start to pay off, I look for a pat on the back and say it was the result of dedication, experience and focus.
So when the stranger showed up at work one day, I had no idea she was meant to be in my life. Nor did I know that she would be part of the reason I closed a door on a very comfortable yet unfulfilling career path.
Paula was there to drop off a gift for Karyn, a colleague that occupied the office next door and was temporarily M.I.A. Since I was the only person around, I offered to deliver the present when my neighbor returned. I didn’t think much of the exchange beyond that.
Fast-forward six months and there in my inbox was a group email from Karyn. She put out an A.P.B. in search of clients/guinea pigs who were interested in working with a life coach for free. It turns out that in addition to her day job, she was in the process of earning coaching certification and needed a few more clients to meet the appropriate amount of hours required for her to eventually hang out a shingle.
Karyn’s email couldn’t have arrived at a better time. I was working in a mid-level public relations job that had all the trappings of stability. Great company, amazing benefits, good salary, smart people. I started the job with high hopes and equally high expectations. Unfortunately, the bloom fell off the rose rather quickly but I was determined to stick it out for at least a year. While the job was everything I wanted on paper, I had a nagging feeling that it just wasn’t right. And with close to 15 years of experience under my belt, I knew that job was as good as it gets.
Still, the angst of going into the office every day was weighing on me. I had fallen into a pattern of long days, sleepless nights, and all sorts of physical maladies that don’t make for wonderful party conversation.
I took Karyn’s note as a sign from the universe that perhaps I was due for some career introspection. In the 20 minutes that passed from the time Karyn sent the email to when I approached her in person, her roster was already filled. However, she suggested I contact her friend who was in the same stage of the certification process. Two days later I was doing an introductory coaching call with Paula.
Now I had heard a little bit about life coaches before Paula serendipitously knocked but I was still pretty clueless about the process. I figured they were for high-powered, fast-tracked career types who had oodles of money to invest in attaining that next rung on the corporate ladder.
It didn’t help that my limited knowledge of coaching also had me wrongly assuming that in order to live life as “my authentic self,” I needed to spend a weekend walking on hot coals and rehashing tough days on the grammar school playground. Isn’t that where it all begins to go awry anyway?
I didn’t know what to expect on that first coaching call and my pre-conceived notions weren’t helping. What I discovered was that life coaches are not necessarily career coaches and can help you with any area that you’re hoping to improve.
After the initial getting to know you conversation, Paula forwarded a short questionnaire. It had nothing to do with hot coals, sweat lodges or mean girls from fifth grade. Instead, it asked about life goals, interests, hobbies, where I saw myself in the future, and what I would be doing if money weren’t a factor. The last question was the easiest.
I had known for years that my passion was in writing and teaching. The ideal gig for me would be a role where I would be able to teach part-time and run a small freelance writing and PR consulting shop.
From there, we mapped out a plan. In three years, by age 40, I would be living my dream life.
Originating as a what-if fantasy, the plan began to take shape as Paula helped me set specific goals and commit to realistic timelines. Part of the coaching also focused on how to tuck away savings to cover my mortgage, fund my health insurance, and pay off my car loan.
After six months of coaching, I was financially and mentally ready to take the leap. The new life that my coach helped me hatch on paper was getting closer, making me excited and nervous. Really nervous. Yet I had been warned that fear would drive my gremlins to appear more frequently the closer I got to pulling the plug on my day job.
Just as I was about to launch my new life, the kaleidoscope of players in the office quickly and dramatically shifted resulting in a very attractive outlook for me. With the day job now turned around and those gremlins still hovering, I saw less reason to leave. Or rather, I talked myself into staying.
After all, for decades I had squelched the little voice that had been nagging me to pursue a freelance life so I decided to stay with the devil that I knew. I remained focused on the guaranteed paycheck and put the freelance fantasy back in the box.
Then my father suddenly died. The jolt of reality that came with it took a while to process and accept, putting me in slow motion for the next year. Toward the end of what I remember as that year of eating dangerously, I decided I could continue to wallow and widen or take something positive from the experience and live a more fulfilling life.
Now closing in on age 40, I revisited the coaching notes and got myself into a better mental and physical state but was still very much in recovery mode.
After nearly five years at that day job, I finally gave my notice. It was more difficult than I expected but it really boiled down to a true “it’s not you, it’s me” situation. The reactions from friends and colleagues were mixed. Many expressed congratulations, lots of them sent work my way, and others projected their own fears on me, subtly wondering if my future would include living in a shelter and getting daily nutrients from cat food.
Still, I was determined to at least give the plan a try. It worked. The jobs rolled in, the teaching opportunity came through, and the bills got paid. There are certainly months when I’m flush and other times when I’m seeking extra assignments but after four and half years, the business is sustainable and I’ve never been happier or healthier.
Now that I’m convinced a coach can have a permanent and positive impact on your life, lots of friends ask about it. During these chats, I typically get the same questions. To clarify, here are the answers to the three most common misconceptions about working with a life coach.
First, life coaches don’t focus solely on your career. You decide which area(s) of your life you want to work on and the coach helps you set goals and create a plan to attain them.
For example, while some friends have tapped into coaching to figure out their career, others have turned to it to map out a cross-country move, develop more effective mid-life dating strategies, or better balance a life filled with children, a husband, work, and ailing parents.
Second, life coaches are not therapists. You do talk about what’s on your mind though the conversation stays within the context of your goals.
Finally, life coaches don’t tell you what to do. You are held accountable but not driven by a taskmaster. Lead, horse, water; it’s like that.
If you’re in the market for a life coach, you won’t have any problem finding one. A good one, however, may be a bit harder to uncover. When looking for a coach, consider asking the following ten questions.
1. Are they certified? Many folks call themselves coaches yet don’t have the certification from reputable associations such as the Coaches Training Institute. Make sure your coach has earned certification.
2. How active are they in the coaching community? Find out if they participate in continued career development through organizations like the International Coaches Federation.
3. What processes or methodologies do they use? There are several types of career mapping, goal setting and personality type testing modules available. These tools are designed to help clients better understand motivations and set goals. Ask if and which tools the coach uses and how they’re applied to the coaching process.
4. What is the average length of a client engagement? You’ll want to work with someone who can establish a set of measurable goals and an action plan as well as set an end date for the engagement.
5. Is the initial consult free? Most coaches will do an introductory call at no charge.
6. Do they have fixed rates and what do those rates include? Find out how much time you’ll get on a regular basis and if the coach is available via phone or email in between your scheduled meetings.
7. How many years have they’ve been coaching? Distinguish between the time spent coaching prior to and after earning certification.
8. Ask about client results. While confidentiality is a hallmark of certified coaches, you can ask for specific examples without revealing clients’ names.
9. What are the coach’s areas of specialty? For example, some coaches are focused on careers while others have a knack for working with personal changes in mid-life.
10. References: Providing them shouldn’t be a problem.
If you’re not ready for coaching yet have those nagging gremlins stopping you from pursuing your dreams, you may want to pick up Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way. The book, written by Richard David Carson, is an insightful and fun read on how to overcome stumbling blocks and self-defeating behaviors.
I guess Buddha was right when he said, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”
