I stood watching my sweetie spot-clean a carpet. I watched him focus on doing his very best. I marveled at how good he looked doing that mundane job. I looked to the other man who was trying to help and did not see the same thing. As I stood comparing the two men, I noticed that in my eyes, my sweetie was doing a much better job. He just looked good!
A few minutes later, I stood talking to a friend who has been married twenty-plus years. She told me that her husband’s sense of humor was no longer funny to her. I replied with, “Well, it does seem to me that everything my sweetie does is new and amazing to me.”
I’ve pondered that conversation since then because I’ve been on both sides, and while I admit that “new” more often than not “feels” better, there is certainly something to be said about “comfortable.” I remember trying to keep the home fires burning, and I remember the pain of discouragement when he’d just fall asleep in front of the television—never once mentioning the meal or the fact that I’d dressed up for him. I’ve made a mental note to not allow the enemy place in that area any more.
Today, I want to address the prayers we pray as women. We are the keepers of eternity simply because we bear children. Sure, some of us have not had that privilege yet, but our bodies are designed to birth and nurture. It’s who we are. Now, how does that affect our lives? We inadvertently try to nurture all things. It causes us to get off track in that we can become judgmental about how we are to be nurtured. Get it? We become, in our own minds, expert nurturers and that makes us want to dictate how we are to be taken care of—going so far as to tell God how it should be done. (Please God, I.)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that some men just fall far from the throne we put them on, but what portion of that has been birthed by us? Did he get to that place when he discovered that there just isn’t anyway to please you anymore?
My five-year-old son told a very old, never-was-too-funny joke to me the other day, and, being Mom, wanting to encourage him in developing a good sense of humor, I laughed. He told that joke each day, until I didn’t laugh. He leaned into my face and said, “I love you, Mommy.” Kissed my forehead and waited for me to smile. He then smiled and ran off to torture his sister. If I am his example of “wife,” what did I just teach him?
Hmm …
When did a small gesture of love like his giving you the last bite of his sandwich become disgusting instead of endearing?
I’ll bet you haven’t noticed his haircut or new shirt in years. When was the last time you openly stated your desire for him?
I have happily married people all around me. And I have people around me who have surpassed the term “happily” and have moved into blissfully.
This woman of God understands something most of us have forgotten—how to keep the home fires burning. She does things I take notes on! They have children—but her focus is him. She has taught me that it takes her focusing on him to get his focus on her. She does not dictate how he does this. She just goes with the flow. I’ve watched them. Eighteen years into their marriage, and you’d think they were newlyweds!
I haven’t said all of this to condemn you. I too was caught in the belief that my man no longer loved, honored, or cherished me. My current state of unmarried-ness attests to that truth. I was so far gone that grief visited every area of our lives—yes, Dorothy, even the bedroom.
I’ve said all of this to let you know that it’ll take you to get you passed this. Your spouse hasn’t the ability to pull you passed the wall that you and the enemy have built around your heart. Oddly, after you’ve allowed Holy Spirit to work on your heart, you’ll have the ability to pull your man through. Funny how that works, huh? All you have to remember is “seed – TIME – harvest. Men are cautious, especially when they’ve been made to feel inadequate in a given area.So don’t get all “janky” if you don’t see results right away. Remember: seed—TIME—TIMe—TIme—Time—time—(maybe more time). Harvest! Yeah! Hallelujah!
Let me say this: how’s your worship time? Has it too become ordinary? You are under a spiritual attack, your relationship is suffering the symptoms.
Began to sow into your spouse. Honesty isn’t always the best policy. Say, “That outfit has never allowed your true beauty to shine through.” Instead of, yeah that makes you look fat. Sow into your mate what you want to harvest. Get past the “Why does it have to always be me?” pity party. Someone has to plow the field. Someone has to sow. Someone has to harvest. Nothing gets done if no one wants to do the work.
