Steps toward self-healing—take one-step today. One word on one card will do. Set your intention to heal yourself and attract other healers into your life.
Make affirmation cards, use collage images and pictures of yourself, and words like “I choose”.
When holding your inner child, find a picture of yourself at the age you feel you need nurturing. Hold that picture to your heart. Hold yourself that way.
Write letters to your abuser and the entourage of enablers. Curse, threaten, release rage upon. Relish this. Send it, or don’t. I have written several since the last one I sent in 2004. I cut ties then, so I have not actually sent them, sometimes I save them, other times I burn them.
Breathe in your fears and anger and grief, then breathe out love, peace, and joy.
Make a vision board, this can be a piece of cardboard or something fancy. Collage about what you want your life to look like, to feel like, and to be like.
Create and use affirmations. Think of all the awful things you believe about yourself, such as I am crazy, I will never get over this, God hates me, etc. Then state the opposite in an affirmation.
Use My Affirmations if you like:
I am safe now.
I am sane.
I am able to relax.
I choose to soothe myself.
I am free.
I am creative.
I am passionate.
I am beautiful.
I am healthy.
I am fit.
I am capable.
I feel normal.
I feel compassion.
I feel love.
I break the cycle of abuse in my life.
My life is mine.
When you feel bad, do this. When you feel good, do it too!
Swing at the park. Ask your inner child to come out and play. Slide. Hang upside down on the monkey bars.
Open your windows and let nature infuse your home.
Even if you consciously want to heal, and are engaging in that process, ask yourself with some consistency, “Do I feel I deserve to heal deep in my heart?” You’ll be surprised at how that little one within might feel. Many times I heard a big “NO”.
Write poetry when you are in a panic. I don’t care if you are not a poet, write it anyway. Anyone can write.
Here is an example, called Sweet Relief.
This terror, this insane asylum heart, this terrified sadness.
This soul weeping, a willow bent over a lake, breaking.
This panic stricken grief, hot and torn.
I hate being in this place.
Obsessing, a waste of time, but an odd relief.
I’m beating myself up, down, all around, barricading myself.
I’m following my parents fine example, How to Kill Your Own Heart.
Somehow it keeps me connected to them, when I judge myself, when I hurt myself, when I fuck myself.
That’s when I feel connection to mother, to father, those rathole phantoms.
It all must stop.
Deep down inside,
The Girl Loves herself,
Knows and Keeps learning how to access that love.
Loved, Loving, and Loveable.
Make it a point to devote your life to JOY. We dare not devote ourselves to welcoming rivers of joy, (and many times without drugs inducing this pseudo joyous state.) We dare not choose joy. I wonder if we even know what the word JOY means. Joy is defined as :
a. Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.
b. The expression or manifestation of such feeling.
c. To take great pleasure; rejoice.
We are vessels, we can fill ourselves with the fresh waters of joy, or be apathetic and leave room for pain and suffering that will overstay it’s welcome if we let it.
What is the difference in Joy and happiness? We can feel joy and not be able to manifest it. We need to feel and manifest it in our daily lives. It is not reserved for some future event. What else do we have if not our days? This is our time. Now.
Joy is more than happiness. Joy exists on an astral plane above happiness. Joy is the ocean feeding the rivers. Joy is transcendent. Joy is not grandiose.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are in adequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous. Actually, who are you Not to be? You are a child of God.”—Marriane Williamson
I can hear the negative people now, discounting this because they have been brainwashed to believe it is egocentric to think this way.
When we feel trauma and sadness, we need to pay attention, get inside that pain and heal it as a path in our lives. Balance is the key.
“People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong … why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom.”
I have been afraid to stop focusing on my faults. I have been afraid to stop. If I stop, what if I let one thing go and I am suddenly swallowed up by my wickedness? Where does this come from? Abuse, religious brainwashing, perfectionism. It’s ok, we are not produce, taking a break, and focusing on our strengths will not lead to us rotting.
We can work on ourselves without focusing too much on how much fixing we need. There is an undercurrent when a woman expresses true confidence and joy. She is arrogant, conceited, grandiose. It is no wonder we are starving for joy. We are searching like lost children, in relationships, in religion, in food, in drugs, not a coincidentally that many of the younger generations have tired to ECSTASY to experience this, myself included. Our searching can lead us to dangerous places, in the barren wasteland of drugs, empty dogma, denigrating un-reciprocal relationships. A word about mothers and mothering, fathers and fathering as well: Mothers and fathers need to reciprocate in their relationships with their children. Children deserve this. It enrages me that I even have to say this, but I do because I know my own issues around my mother and father.
Create space for joy. There is room in you. That’s where JOY has to live, inside of you. No amount of material gain or financial security can secure your JOY. Open your mind, and your heart to joy. Create a welcoming space for joy. Get out in nature. Nature is expansive, dilating, and renewing. Start in your home if it is hard to access your JOY space internally. Make a vision board about joy, a collage. Find images that resonate and make something artful, hang it up. Joy is healing, it heals, and it is also the act of healing in and of itself. It is about freedom, the freedom to feel, to be yourself, you be anything, to BE. Just BE. JOY includes some pain. There is great beauty and wonder in the most intense pain.
We deserve joy, we have suffered enough, our children have suffered for the sins of their parents, for abusers, for the pain of something that is not theirs to own. We need to look within and heal. Our relationships are suffering, we are projecting pain from the past onto our partners. The earth is suffering. Animals suffer. Enough.
But joy can not be fully felt when we can not and have not fully felt our suffering, our losses, our grief. Again, depression gets pathologized and many people end up repressing their pain even more because to be ‘depressed’ is considered weak and taboo. Sometimes we just need to give our love to depression. Depression is repression. Maybe we need to sit and feel it.
“The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.” Henry Miller
Welcome joy, feel the fear and welcome her anyway. That tidal wave we fear may be exactly what we need.
“No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.—Helen Keller
Meeting my ‘entelechy’, my soul mirror, my husband Troy—he turned my tide in more ways than one! Wow. There are healers in this world, many, many, many. People say no one can heal you but you. Some truth to that, but what people can do is reflect to you your essence, your innate goodness, worth, value, and light. He did that. I married him! The first experience of this should be from mommy and daddy, but when daddy sexualizes you for his sick desires, and mommy abandons you, on every level, which is telling you you do not exist, you do not get that.
You do exist, I exist, we are not invisible. We matter. We deserve JOY, bliss, love, wonder, awe, emotional stability, self-esteem. The journey begins the minute you decide it does.
Namaste and happy travels!
Photo Courtesy of SATORI