A storm hits China … No YouTube, No Facebook (thank heavens for the proxies) with ninety-two notifications, forty-two friend requests, fifty-seven suggestions: this is so upsetting. Add on to it, the frequent electrical interruption that goes on and off, internet glitch from slow to nothing. I have written on to my yahoo blog and creatively constructed the same thoughts & even had it so beautifully done, read it and to me was a perfect picture of what I feel now (you know when you write heart-based it just flows through) – hit the ‘post your entry’ and received: “Sorry we are experiencing an error now.”
Point blank … I lost the file! Alone in my comfort zone—what do I need??? A virtue and one smiling yet agitated face to carry on a Monday morning … P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E! And this is actually what I want now. Let me zero it into an innermost self probe: Passion and Patience, putting it on to “How long can I wait?(How long can I stand waiting?)” …
yeah and here is a background of a thunderstorm and the heavy rains attempting to loosen my screw in case my laptop tells me, that she too (my laptop is a female) cannot hold on. Not Now!
Patience invokes one’s ability to WAIT ( that’s being able to endure without becoming annoyed or upset ) and to persevere ( being able to persist calmly, especially in difficult and frustrating times ). While passion entails one’s vulnerability to enthusiasm like being easily excited or anxious … I am not to be a mouthpiece for metaphor on this. But I’d rather want to show a mirror of how myself gets, while waiting…drawing out what it is…a juxtaposition! & to warn my ‘avid’ BLOG friends & critics, that this is just an emotional assemblage of two things in parallel for me right now: ‘to be patient & still be passionate about it.’
This is just like a question about genetics ‘which came first, the chicken or the egg.’ The causality dilemma to the “Eggsperts” can just identify the approach on its circular cause and consequence value … so which should come first? … being patient or being passionate, vice versa? And what’s dominant in me?
I would say I am passionate first and that’s when I feel toward a strong desire to really get what I want and love who I want. But geez, my emotions are like a storm: they get into me as unstable winds signifying most of the time, distress and anxiety. Now since I am more impatient than patient, I should contemplate that being impatient can be intense or occasional. (Shouts defense! defense!) I may sound with a redundant allegorical knack, but I do believe that this intense feeling can also be like fire, that the other side of myself always demands an urgency of response and when not satisfied, I go fuddled.
Now, here’s to me a tug-of-war between being passionate and being patient, but in different circumstances, either each impression could be essential and it is up to me to recognize the circumstance and behave passionately or patiently….then, should I keep the fire burning? (Wait a second, am I losing the intensity? Am I losing a feeling?) Could my feelings be like the scorching July heat ready to be extinguished?
True love, it is said, is able to wait and can prevail even when the circumstances are not suitable. Lines pulled up from a song somewhere,
“I’ll be waiting for you till the sun don’t shine,” and “I will patiently wait for you till the end of time.” Sentiments echoed from people so in love. Well, I may admit having that kind of ‘last-song-syndrome’ but this just leads me to compromise on the less significant aspect of feeling in love and really being patient to avoid compromising on the more significant aspect and to fulfill what I truly want … what I earnestly desire. (Do I sound like I’m confused now? Well, I’m in the same soil Confucius was born, LOL)
This is all about waiting…My opposing self bellows to the above concepts, being indifferent…being apathetic about it. In contrast, my indifference is unresponsive to and being detached from changes to various situations; I may remain stable in the face of changes… “Love me or hate me, but spare me your indifference.” (Libbie Fudim). Showing concern to the people I do care so much about, indicates that I can endure the agony of waiting ‘ till the sun shines.’ Without such deep care, I don’t think waiting is bearable … then love and patience are relative—but this goes to show that love can only be present because of an appropriate external circumstance for it to be fully implemented can be missing … am I missing something here? … (Wait, let me continue).
So, I have to set aside being indifferent because It means lack of love; being patient implies a profound care and love. Then, that makes me say, being patient is different from being indifferent. Do I make sense? … isn’t this about waiting?
While the waiting is sometimes pleasurable, most of the time it is painful – how can I carry on when it is also the cause of my aching? …. bearable or unbearable, it is the thought that love will be fulfilled, eventually. And I have just to console myself to the thought that love will be fully realized in no time…it will make me even wait for a long time – huh? ( not too long)…then I have to get on to the ‘keep-the-fire-burning’ attitude to prove that patience comes first than being passionate and I can only pursue what I really want and be passionate about if I am patient.
It is hard to endorse patience to someone who is passionate, one who has proven to scale so many mountains but it is even harder to be patient in such situation. And yes, it’s always true and expedient to only trust my heart and retain my hopes … after all, I can stop and say, “Look, how far you have gone … now, go further.”