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I Should Have Never Told Her

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Child abuse is something no kid should go through. The feeling of hating your own home is one thing I hated about my childhood, or what my family calls a childhood. Eating old bread and getting beaten every other night is not a childhood. Having your own father rape is one thing I will never truly get over. The pain of watching your mother drive off and leave you behind with someone who hurts you. Not only did my father beat and sexual abuse me, but my older brother did as well. My name is Alyssa and I lost my virginity at the age five to my own flesh and blood.

People say they know what I’m going through and I know some of them do, but, if I’m not ready to get over it yet, then why won’t they leave me alone? I mean, if they’ve gotten through their abuse and are looking forward, then good for them, but, leave me alone. I’m still raw about what happened. I’m not yet ready to face the fact that my father and brother raped me and my mother left me. I’m just not yet strong enough to deal with the mental pain it brings.

The pain and constant abuse didn’t end until I turned eleven. My mom just then wanted to start to see me more. She came to my school one day and took me away. That day I left broken and numb. I felt nothing when I saw my mom’s warm face. I didn’t wave, smile, or hug her. I just stood there and looked up at her. I wanted to tell her what dad was doing to me, but, for some odd reason I didn’t feel safe telling her anything. In fact I didn’t feel safe around anyone any more.

“Sweetheart, you’ve grown so much,” she told me, giving me a big hug. I stayed motionless and she soon pulled away. She looked me in the eye with worry.

“Alyssa, are you alright, honey?” she asked me. I don’t know what it was but I just broke down crying, my knees gave way and I fell to the floor. My mom tried to hug me, but I just pushed away.

After I was done crying my mom tried to get me to talk to her and tell her what was wrong, but, I ignored her and walked towards the car door. On the road I kept my eyes on the window, trying my best to keep my eyes from her view.

“You know,” She started to talk. “,Me and your father were thinking of getting back together.”

I froze as my blood turned black and my face paled. The thought of my dad made me want to crawl under a rock and disappear. I slowly shifted my gaze to my mother as anger filled my frame.

“Why?” I asked her bitterly. My mother’s eyes widen for a bit.

“What do ya mean why?” She spoke slowly as if trying to make the words smack me in the face.

“Why did you leave when I was five?” I responded. My mom stops the car and gives me a threatening glare.

“Alyssa, I don’t” I never gave her the chance to finish before I spoke once more.

“Why are you acting as if I should accept into my life again?” I said in a bone chilling voice. “Why should I be happy when my mom’s gonna marry some sick monster, huh?”

Once the words left my mouth my mom forced me to tell her what happened. Of course she didn’t buy a single word I told her. She told me I was just lying to get people to feel sorry for me. She also told me she was gonna have a talk with my dad and older brother. I started to cry again and started to beg her not to tell them, but, she did. My father and mother got in a fight that night and that’s when my dad tried killing me, by tying some rope around my neck and trying to strangle me. That was when my mom finally came to her senses. She ended up calling the copes on him. After that my mom and I really don’t like being around each other. 


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