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I Surrender

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I Surrender …

Injury to one,
Injury to another,
ER visit for a third …

Persistent errors,
Delayed answers,
Unknown diagnosis …

A son going here,
Another leaving soon.
Another bored and restless …

I surrender.

I surrender concerns.
I surrender worry.
I surrender control.
You are sovereign …

I thought I learned it before.
I thought I had surrendered …
I know now it is a constant,
It is a constant process.

Each time it goes deeper …
Each time I learn faster …
I am not in charge.
I cannot even add a
single day to my life.

The hairs of my head
are all numbered.

The hours of my sons’ lives
are all mapped.

We are not sailing in a boat
without a captain.

You are there
You are here.
You are steering.
The waves are at Your command.

So the foot, the ankle
of my youngest ….
It’s Yours to heal or NOT

The unknown pain and bleeding
of my oldest …
I give to You …

My thoughts, my fretting,
have no affect.
They are in fact sin …

I surrender.

I surrender our out of whack finances.

I surrender my aunt.

I surrender my housekeeping, my nursing, all of my roles …

I surrender my homeschool.

I surrender the doubts, the weakness, my insufficiency …

I surrender my perfectionism,
my frantic need to control,
and maintain all events just so …

I surrender most of all my desire to know …

I cannot know what the future holds.
I cannot glimpse the road ahead.

I will not find peace in trying
to maneuver all possibilities
in the direction I want.

I surrender.

I surrender to Your control.
I surrender to Your divine purposes …
the trials, the sufferings,
the unknown, the temptations,
the fear, the weakness …

They all serve to make me humble
to make me fall prostrate.

I am falling on my knees
offering all of me …

It is here I find peace.
It is in the surrender,
I gain control …
Control of my thoughts to take them captive.
Control of my emotions to lean solely on You.
Power to resist the enemy so that He flee.

I surrender all …

All to Thee my precious Savior …

Hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy.

I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry.

So I wait for You.
So I wait for You.

Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for.


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