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I Want to Go Home

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I come from a broken family. Not divorce—my parents stayed together until death—but there was always so much fighting. I remember going in to my room and closing the door crying out, “I want to go home.”

When I was twelve years old, I had to write a Halloween book for my seventh grade English class. To prepare, students read mystery and horror books. At that time, Agatha Christie novels and the Chronicles of Narnia were bestsellers.

We then typed up the copy, illustrated the pictures, laminated the cover, and put on a spiral binding.

We did everything ourselves, and then we picked a grade at a local elementary school and send our books to the teacher. Everyone got their books back two weeks later—except me.

Over a month later, the teacher I sent it to came to my house to give me my book personally along with a note of how much the kids loved it—they’d even put it in the library.

I thought then and there, “I am going to be a writer.” I dreamt and prayed to travel to far-off lands and have an adventure in life so I could write about it. I dreamt of places to travel to like New England to visit lighthouses, or Scotland to walk the moors and see the castles. I dreamt of riding horses and seeing the ocean and going sailing and deep-sea fishing. I would take a camera, pen, and pad with me everywhere to write about the adventures I would have.

Well, thirty years have gone by and looking back, I feel like I should have been more specific in my prayers. I did travel, sure, but starting out in San Antonio then Dallas, then to Austin. On to Little Rock, Arkansas, and then Searcy and Batesville, and back to San Antonio.

I also had an adventure too but not exactly what I dreamt of having. Let’s see when I was twenty-two I found Christ, and my parents were furious because I came from a Jewish background. Ever since then my family has been tolerant of me, but it has been hell. I married a man in Little Rock and we had a daughter, of whom I never had custody. He was abusive and a drunk and I had a history of seizures and depression—I didn’t have the self-confidence to care for a child. I have also had an unstable job history.

I don’t have that depression anymore and I am totally off medication and very happy. I do not have any money and I am deep in debt but I do have my faith.

My Faith
My faith in God has kept me going all these years. I have met up with people who have wanted to help me out and they have given me money, food, clothing, shelter, and employment. I have been hurt by the same people from time to time so I know that any gift or blessing I have received and that I needed, it was provided by the one and only God. He provides through those people. He speaks wisdom through a diverse group of folks I have met through the years.

God has done so much for me and through me and all the times when I see people around me who have achieved and I know I haven’t, God was there. Though throughout my life I have been provided for, protected, clothed, fed, and I have friends, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Though, I can get things I need and food to eat every day, but I am not satisfied without the word that dwells within me.

James 1:2–4: Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

So do I still, as an adult, want to cry out “I want to go home”?

You bet I do, but I know I will get to, eventually, and that heavenly home will be far better than adventure on this earth.

For I will be “perfect and complete, needing nothing.”


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