My husband and I were married one and a half years when we nonchalantly tried to conceive. During those two years there was so much stress going on—family problems and house hunting that I believe prevented conception. When our house was finally finished, my husband and I took a beautiful much-needed relaxing vacation. We didn’t know it, but we conceived a baby while on vacation. We were overjoyed and were finally at a happy place. Our family was ecstatic and we really felt the love from everyone. We were on our way of making a family after so long of trying.
On my third month of being pregnant I went for the first sonogram and that day changed my life: I will never forget November 9th. We were called into the doctor and he told us the bad news and my heart was literally on the floor I didn’t even want to hear what he was saying. My worst nightmare came true. I knew I was going to lose this child. I did every test under the sun and we didn’t know why the baby had an abnormality. On top of it, the doctors told us it was a baby girl.
We went to Cornell to get further testing and I was far along for them to be able to see that the baby’s heart had not developed correctly. I was faced with the worst possible decision I would have to make. Would I end up having to give birth to this child or would I end its life now. The doctors predicted that I would give birth and the baby would instantly die. I was beyond devastated.
After being convinced by family and friends that everything will work out—it didn’t and that killed me the most knowing I convinced myself it would be okay my husband and I made the decision to terminate our pregnancy.
Nine days before Christmas I had to go for the procedure.
This changed me for life—I will never be the same.