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A Letter to Myself

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A Letter to Myself,

I’m glad you finally decided to acknowledge me. I’m happy you finally want to face me, after always shoving me in the dark. I know you want to know about yourself, and I plan on explaining as much as I know. In truth, I do not know much. I can only act or explain on instinct. Just because I don’t know as much as I should, does not mean others know you better. Only you and I know each other. And only you and I both know that you are on the verge of a complete and utter breakdown.

Day in and day out you inch closer to the edge. So why do you do nothing? There’s a difference between being strong, being stubborn, and being downright idiotic. And guess which level you have now progressed to? I guess I can’t really blame you though. It’s not like you choose to put yourself in these kinds of situations. It all just comes crashing down on you, and the most you can do is try not to show your despair underneath the weight of it all. I applaud your effort, my friend. But in the effort to fool the world, you have attempted to deceive me as well. You cannot hide from me. I know what lurks beneath you miserable smiles and pathetic excuse for laughter. Kristofer is right. Happiness no longer holds company in your heart. And why is that dear? I will tell you why. It is because you do not let it.

Yes, you have thousands of things going on inside of your head write now, and you’re trying to juggle them all at once. You can’t help but do it. Such a thing is in your nature. But you must understand good friend, it will kill you. Whether it be physically, mentally, or most of all emotionally, little by little you’ll be nothing more than an empty shell with a smile plastered on your face. Worst of all is you know this. You know you’re working yourself to death. So why do you continue? Could it be because you want to be recognized? Or perhaps you want to be strong, like that mother of yours. It’s possible you don’t know what else to do, or how to escape this vicious cycle. You decide what to do young one. You may not know what is best for you, but it’s about damn time you started figuring it out. Only you are in control. Stop with Sacha. Smile with Kris. Laugh with your family. Love yourself. Easy? I think not little one. I don’t care if you start off as having a façade or happiness. Eventually, that pretense will turn into one of sincerity and truth. For now, there is nothing you can do about the hurt and pain of others, nor can you slow down your busy schedule. The most you can do is try and pray. I wish you the best of luck young one. And remember, no matter what your delusions lead you to believe, I will always love you, mask or no mask.


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