People ask me, “How do you go about it … this idea of blogging?” “Where do those ideas come from?” Believe me, there is no pattern or format that I follow, I simply think about him and it all comes into play. I had twenty-two wonderfully fulfilling years with Adam, and he always lived here with us. Being an involved parent allows you the opportunity to know and experience so much, as I did. I thank God constantly for providing me with that love, which all started upon meeting my husband, Teddy … “We” or “us” as that family wouldn’t even be had that not occurred.
Ted and I seemed to possess some magic glue that many other marriages and relationships don’t seem to have. And I remember using that glue often! As young newlyweds with two little kids, life was a challenge. Jordan was a challenge. Now he’s so calm, but as a tot … let’s just say he was a terror! Adam came along and was a textbook baby … a delight. But that changed after he learned to walk and talk … ahhhh … memories. But through tough years, lack of finances, and silly meaningless arguments, we’d somehow get that glue out and patch it all up. Perhaps with Ted and I, our glue’s key element was ultimate forgiveness. I think that’s what it was actually, because we’d forgive and move on. And that’s how the kids knew us, and how they adapted to things also. Jordan told me last night he liked that most about our family. We had the same issues as everyone else’s families, but we’d let it out, and then forget it. Never lingering on it, and never casting it back out there. Those who don’t do that, allow the situation to fester. I don’t think any of us ever had enemies, we always choose to be peacemakers. Being bitter takes away the good parts of your life, it allows you to rot inside. Being bitter prevents your heart from opening up and allowing love and passion to find its way inside. Years of that makes people sorrowful and depressed
It’s hard work trying to rebuild this second phase of my life, the one without Adam in it. But each day after I face the angst that awakens me and I calm myself enough to begin the rebuilding process kicks in: the blogging, the walking, the prayers and meditation … reaching out to those who reach also … God bless those who reach out. I save every little note, card, message—I cherish them, nothing means more to me. Last night, I got a note from a seventeen-year-old senior girl, a truly beautiful girl inside and out, telling me about how she admires me and what a good mom I was. Through stories she heard and then through my blog. Her note put smiles into my heart, it meant so much. Such a mature person at that tender age to feel so deeply and express so vividly her compassion and understanding of my situation. I am grateful for Hilary and others who came forth and to those standing faithful as my forever companions—all seem devoted to making sure I am okay. I think eventually I am going to be okay. At least I can see a future, although it seems bleak. I miss “me” so much that a goal I set is to return to “me.” Please continue to support my goal. Stay by me, let me know you’re there.
P.S. Adam and Jordan used magic glue also. They never stayed angry very long with any of their buddies either. Life is short, remember the glue next time you’re really angry or annoyed with someone, think about how unpredictable life can be. I know Adam’s glad he used it. I do believe when he passed, there was peacefulness upon all of his friendships. There was peacefulness with us. God bless Adam … forever.
“Magic Glue” (an excerpt from Adam’s mom …)