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The Moment You Realize You’re Not Lost

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Life is one big mess, or it can be if you are not careful.

I treat every day as an opportunity to improve on the previous one. Eat more healthily, exercise more, do more for others. Stop for a moment and smell the roses. Be carbon efficient, do more for the environment. Only lately, I’ve turned into the ‘‘ I’ll do it, just in a minute’’ girl.

I recently had a bout of flu, had me in bed for a week, living on Campbells soup and Kleenex. With the kind of work I do I thought I would have relished some me-time, some time to do all the small things I keep putting off due to working a six-day week. Procrastinating, I guess. Only, something happened that gave me a wake up call.

I got a telephone call from an ex-boyfriend, unprompted; he just looked me up in the book and dialed my number. We haven’t spoken since I dumped him on Valentine’s day in 1994. Ouch, awkward, to say the least. Conversation flowed, like it had only been yesterday that we had broken up, and this was the concluding conversation that we would be friends, very good friends.

He was calling to say he had prostate cancer. We had talked about having children all those years ago when we thought we had time to choose when to do so. He had not gone on to do so and neither had I. I’d been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome in 2000 and was unable to conceive. I had felt lost and alone and in pain for years, and now there was this other person also in pain. There was a moment where neither of us spoke and then we both said at the same time “What can I do for you?”

Then I knew.

I’m not lost.

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