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Moving On ...

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Grief-stricken encompasses a wide range of emotions. It is something that comes after feeling hurt or when a tragic event had occurred. People cope with grief in various ways. But what exactly do you say to someone who is grief-stricken and inconsolable? How do you bring comfort to this person? Could someone tell me, please.

When a person loss a loved one. When multiple members of a family was killed on the same horrific event.

When someone had played with your emotions, and one day just decided to end the relationship. When a pet passed away. When a house burned down to the grounds, and all your personal belongings had gone to smoke.

When a son or daughter was sent to the war front, not knowing whether he or she will return or not.

There are countless of sad events beyond our control that could eventually cause so much pain, and unbearable sorrow.

But I will not dwell on that, I am writing this article to discuss the topic of moving on …

However, how long should a person grieve? Recently, I spoke with a woman who just returned from New York after burying her father. She told me that she needs to get back to work immediately because she was only entitled three days of bereavement leave or else she may lose her job. The first question I asked her was, “Are you alright?” She retorted by saying that, I cannot help it, grieving is over. I can’t afford days without pay. By the sound of things, this woman is not alright. She has not recovered from the recent trauma of losing her Dad in a tragic accident. She is not ready to move on, however, due to her employment policy, she cannot afford to take off one or two more days away from her work.

On the other hand, when a relationship broke apart. When someone had promised to love you forever. Then, one day you find yourself being alone because the person had a changed of heart. You are grief-stricken. You also lost something although intangible had left a hole in your heart or worst you felt that someone had pulled your heart and tore it apart. You cannot go to your mother or grandmother for comfort because they had given you so much warning about the relationship. You find yourself completely alone and no one to turn to. So, where do you run to?
When all the days you have spent thinking about him had been a waste of time. Believing in every word he had uttered to you. He is the ONE. He is so special. You start telling yourself, you have been a fool. How could you fall for that pack of lies? Needless to say, most of us thought that we will never easily fall prey to a sweet talking person. That you will never take him seriously. You have so much to live for, and you are not ready for any commitments. But no matter how strong you build your defenses, the love advances grew much stronger to evade and slowly you put your defenses down.

I had mixed emotions. Looking back in hindsight, I do believe in the goodness of showing sympathy and compassion to others. When someone had confided to you about their personal hurt, you can not just dismiss the person and pretend that you do not want to get involved. Personally, I find myself willing to listen. Nonetheless, I would offer some words of comfort to help the person find some solace, and respite in dealing with his ongoing hurt. Eventually this action on my part could result in having to welcome the person for another round of talk and the willingness to listen to anything that he needs to say just to assure him that I am there for him until he could stand on his own feet.

This makes me a participant in assisting a person to fully recover from his hurtful experience.

My involvement did not draw a line as to what time frame I should exit or how deeply my assistance could ensure the person’s healing process. All I know is that as time goes on, I started falling for this person’s romantic overtures. Although I did not actually verbalized my feelings towards him. Now I kept asking myself, was I just sympathetic to his misfortune or was I swept off my feet?

During the course of my frequent chat with him, I find him very sweet and wonderful. He is thoughtful and extremely romantic but not aggressive. I also have noticed that he is craving to hear the word “love.” He does not hesitate to utter those three powerful words to me although I have manage to just brushed it off most of the time.
I would say that I became so confused and perplexed with these events. It was all new to me. I really did not expect it to turn that way. I was not prepared because of the simple reason that is not what I was expecting from him. In short, I was not looking for love.

But my heart starts feeling something I have never felt before. I told myself I am strong. This could not happen to me. I never miss a man before, of course with the exception of my own father. The moment I start harboring the wonderful thought of being with this person, I started asking questions; I need to know more about him. I started developing quite an interest in almost everything that involves him. I started asking questions and needing honest answers. I also became hurt inside because of some remarks that he had made previously. However, he never made an effort to apologize, which was the only thing I was asking of him.

We had gone in circle without any quick resolution to the incident. He refuses to come around and make up for his irresponsible remarks. Was it pride or a cultural mantra on his part not to admit the careless mistake, and just say he is sorry? Did he ever think of salvaging the crumbling relationship? When I said goodbye, he answered that he is not saying goodbye. What exactly does it mean? Should I leave the lights on?

Do you think he will find his way back to my heart?

I am looking for ways of moving on. As a young girl, my future is ahead of me. It is not time for me to look for a partner. I will try to do it on my own. I have no more tears to cry.


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