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So, here I go again …

Yesterday AND today are moving days for me … into a new place, alone, and into a new life.

The friend with the van came early yesterday; we did an immense amount of loading, and then drove for about two hours to the place I’ll call home, for at least the next six months.

The feelings that surface are surely not unexpected, but they come at me raw, with urgency and sharpness. I am leaving a home that we built together with our own hands years ago. I have very few poor memories about that place … a beautiful view, no neighbors, quietude, animals, green fields, and woods … a place to hibernate and disappear from the world when I needed to.

But, the emotions are swiping at me … tears are coming easily, even as I write this; it’s knowing that the neighbors and friends AND my wonderful pets I had at home won’t be right at the doorstep any longer. I looked at my favorite old dog last night and nearly collapsed. He KNOWS, yet he can’t tell me how he feels. It’s one of the worst feelings I know—not being able to explain the changes to him and to tell him he’ll be safe and cared for by my ex.

I am going to survive, and I’ll be fine, but right now I don’t know whether to go back to bed and sleep for a week, or to take the chance and get out into this world to finish the job.

I think I had better finish.


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