My destiny is not my own

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You think you can make your own destiny. Maybe some can and others can't. I don't really know how true that is but it didn't work out the way I had planned it.

I was going to go to a great four year college and graduate because somebody told me I couldn't. If there is one thing that bothers me the most is somebody telling me what I can and can't do. You don't know me. :You don't know what I can or can't do. That is for me to decide.

Life as a child growing up with a single parent was a bit rough at times. There had been days I would daydream about having a decent place to live that we called our own. My brothers and sister would have our own bedrooms and not have to share. We would have a big back yard to run and play in. We weren't all together as much as siblings ought to be. We were living with other relatives. We could have been split up and placed in foster care. Glad it didn't come to that point.

When I was just six going on seven years old I went to live with a cousin in the family. We had never met before but when I saw her coming down the road I knew that I was going to live with her. And we never even met! She was short and slim. Older lady. In her mid seventies. She took me in. She had helped raise some cousins I had never met but did finally meet them. She never had any children of her own and I never asked her why.

She pretty much kept me sheltered. Always following me to the school bus stop. At first, it was okay then as I got older it became very annoying and the other children would just pick on me. So I'd walk as fast as my legs could carry me to the bus stop so no one would know she was walking with me. Needless to say it didn't sit too well with her but she did slack off some and eventually she stopped walking me to the bus stop. She was strict too. No phone calls unless I had a job to pay the bill. My friends weren't allowed to come over much because she felt that they would tear up her yard and leave a mess. Not even my own siblings were allowed to come over. Just the neighbor's children. They were like brother and sister to me. I was in high school and not really wanting to hang with young kids. I wanted to get out and date and have fun. Not be an unpaid baby sitter in which I pretty much was.

By my senior year of high school Amy, that was my cousin who raised me, she had developed dementia. She would ask the same questions over and over again. I never once disrespected her and she was good to me. Just set in her ways about alot of things and over protective. A friend asked me why I continued to live with her and not just leave. I wasn't abused or anything like that and to leave her by herself was just something that didn't feel right. The only way I would leave was if she kicked me out of her house. A couple days before my senior prom she did kick me out. It wasn't that I was wild and out. Never had been but it was because of her illness. I'd have stayed to take care of her.

I went to live with my grandmother. Went to my senior prom and later went to college. Unfortunately I only went for a semester. My grandmother had terminal cancer so it was just too much to handle. I dropped out. Not something I'm proud about but never once did I complain. Somethings had to be put on hold. After she passed away a family friend said she'd help me to get on my feet. Which sounded pretty good. Got a job and helped pay bills but it seemed like my generosity was being taken advantage of. My credit was shot and it took pretty much my whole paycheck to get it paid. She said she was going to pay for it in full. I felt used but never said anything because I needed to get on my feet first. Later, she took me to live with her aunt whom had some surgery done and needed some help. I thought that this was a little better. Things started changing again. I had started dating. Didn't think I'd be dating. In college I was too much of a giggle bot. What guy would want a girl who did nothing but constantly giggle and not just talk? We met through a mutual friend. His is name is Christopher. We started dating and things were going swell. Then one day it turned sour. My "aunt" had been feeling like I was getting a bit too out there. That was not the case. I do have standards and know what things will be dealt with and what not. I was growing up basically. So one day she decided to take the house key. Before that we had gotten into a bit of a verbal debate and then made up. So I thought. When Christopher and I came back from the movies she had locked me out. Basically kicked me out. All my clothes and things inside. We phoned and knocked on the door but she never came. She was highly mad at me. He proposed to me. He told me he didn't want to lose me. Who could think of marriage when your girl just got kicked out? Seriously? He kept begging and begging and I finally said yes.

His wonderful aunt took me in. If it had not have been for the Lord who was on my side there's no telling where I'd til this day. My life was happy and she reminds so much of my mother who still cracks me up. Love them both.

So here I am today. Thirty three years young (i'm staying that way). Been married to Christopher for eight years now and we have a wonderful, beautiful two year daughter who thinks she's the boss. She is but for a limited time. Limited time. Very short. My life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to but I thank God that it came to what I have now. I am currently in the process of writingchildrens books. I love to write.Always had. Life is sweet.

You may think you can write your own destiny but someone else already has it planned out for you. It may not be what you wanted but take it from me you'll be so much better in mind and spirit letting God take the reins for a change.


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